The Nice People

9 07 2009

We have all met a few of them in our lives – they are the people that others naturally gravitate too.  There those people that always look nice without trying, always have kind words to say, make us laugh and generally make our day more pleasant.

Of course we all want to be labeled as “nice” and we all do have the “nice” gene to varying degrees, but I’m talking about the ones who are way up there on the scale.  The ones who inherited 99.9% of the nice gene so are naturally nice where, face it, some of us have to fake it now and then.  In fact, “nice” doesn’t even describe these people well – they are kindhearted and gentle. 

They are lighthouses in the darkness of life.  They automatically know the right words to say, they know when you need someone to be there without talking, they sense when you need a hug or a good laugh.  If they could materialize whenever you needed them then I would be convinced they are something way more than “human.”  The way it is, I think they are the essence of heaven.

When I am with one of these friends, I can’t help but sit there thinking – “why can’t I be this way?”  I asked one of them the other day how she came to be so nice – she honestly didn’t know what I was talking about because “nice” is so natural for her that she hadn’t stopped to think about how she “became” nice.  I envy these people.

As I was formulating this post in my head very early this morning, it occurred to me that we often seem to lose these nice people way to early.  We might feel comforted by thinking that God just needed another angel so he took one from earth but another thought hit me.

Maybe these people die early because the rest of us flawed souls are drawn to them like a moth to the flame.  We unload all our rubbish on them because we know they will know what to do for us.  But maybe that is the problem.  They are bombarded with our negativity but give off only positive ions.  Where does all that negative energy go? Maybe they soak it up from us until their light goes out.  Maybe we are inadvertently killing these people that mean so much to us.

I don’t know.  The only thing I’m positive of is that the we lose so much and are in such peril when one of these shining lights burns out.





Damn, Man – Need Some Good Karma

9 07 2009

What a night. Got some stuff done but most of it spent being lazy. Got another spider bite, this one on my elbow which then swelled up & itched. I HATE spiders. I’m going to have to get the house fumigated I guess.

Angel’s funeral is Saturday. Her official cause of death is cardiac arrest (heart attack). It was caused by an infection in her stomach that she ignored – it then metastasized to her heart. How awful and such a needless death.

I also found out tonight that another one of my ex-coworker’s has been diagnosed with colon cancer.  When I was still there, she went through months of chemo to beat cancer and we all celebrated big time when it went into remission. She is another very sweet lady who tries to find the good in everything.

I don’t know what is going on down there.  Another of my friends at SSO, found out a few months ago that her mother was dying of cancer. It has been a very hard time for them both as they are very close.

I know SSO is a huge place but even so, the health issues there seem to skewed on the “odds” table. Way too many issues for the 130 employees they have.

Once again it has helped me recommit myself to getting healthy – I don’t want to spend my years here on Earth being sickly.

LATER: Oh no, I just found out one of my other very good friends down there has cancer as well.  I am sickened.  Ashamedly, I admit, I was a little relieved that it wasn’t her earlier, but now my hopes are dashed because she is also sick.  I pray everything goes well with her – they are doing surgery on Monday.  She was devastated last year when she lost her mother (also a friend of mine) very suddenly – this has been such a difficult year for her.

Suddenly I feel like I need to jump on an airplane now to be there for her on Monday.  I can’t – unfortunately – because of money and nowhere to stay once I got down there – but I would if I could.  She is another angel that is very special to me.





Vacation

8 07 2009

Well, got off at 3am this morning and came home. Managed to get some sleep though not much. Took the dogs for a short walk and ran to see the doctor. Nothing too exciting there.

Hung out at home, did a spot of cleaning but nothing too major really. Need to make a list of the things I want to get done so I won’t forget anything. Am going to go to a movie tomorrow maybe – haven’t decided yet.

My son said he would call me back “in a minute”…it has been over an hour. Was going to take the dogs for a walk but don’t want to miss his call though he could always call me on my cell I guess.

I am bored but that is just because I haven’t focused on what I want to do yet. I did watch “The Happening” again and liked it better the second time but still isn’t one I need to own or watch again…kind of like “The Village,” “Sixth Sense” and “Signs”…coincidently, all four are M Night’s movies. Guess he needs to work on his technique because there are other director’s whose movies I can watch over and over – they keep entertaining.

Anyway – I made myself a good supper of roast, potatoes and peas but none of it had any flavor. I might as well been eating cardboard. I don’t get it because I made it the same as I always do – maybe my taste buds are off.





Spider Bites

7 07 2009

On my left outer thigh I have about eight spider bites. They are close together so I assume it was one spider probably biting me over and over because it was trapped under my leg while I slept. I hope I killed the little fucker.

The bites don’t itch but it just grosses me out thinking of a spider crawling around on my body – it’s worse than the werewolf nightmare I had on Sunday. Now I just feel like there are bugs crawling on me even though I can see that there aren’t.





Angel

7 07 2009

This was Angel’s last journal entry written 06/28/09 and it makes me cry.  People, we all hate visiting doctor’s but this kind of thing is what they are there for – insurance or no insurance.  As my mother use to say – “They can’t get blood from a turnip” – meaning, if you can’t pay for it right away, they will wait.  The important thing is your health.

And for a moment, life becomes too real.

Actually, this is more so I’ll have a record of events/symptoms, in case I can’t remember later.

It started about a week before I quit my 911 job; and at that time, I thought maybe it was just jitters from the fact that I was quitting, losing my insurance, starting a new career, in my last quarter of school, and everything else. It was a lot to change all at once, and I’d hoped it was just a stress thing.

I’ve never been a very athletic person. I’m about 130-140 lbs., and at 5 feet even that’s a bit overweight, but not terrible. I don’t smoke or drink, I don’t even drink soda, and I usually eat organic foods when I can. I used to walk a great deal more than I have in recent years — ever since I started school, certain things like walking were curtailed for homework and other sedentary things. But I never had any trouble getting around, or taking stairs occasionally instead of the elevator, or things of that nature.

And about a week before I quit, I started having issues like that. Nothing huge; just that I would get winded for walking spurts, and stairs seemed rather daunting, and my backpack seemed too heavy. As I mentioned, I attributed most of that to stress, since I had plenty of it.

After a month and a half, it grew to the point of being winded by even smaller walking spurts. I could climb two flights of stairs, but my chest felt as if someone were crushing it from all sides, and I couldn’t get enough air. Which was silly, because I’d be listening to myself breathe hard, and the air was coming and going, it’s just as if my lungs weren’t registering that. It’s a very hard thing to describe… Not like chest pain, although my chest hurt unbearably. Not like heart problems, although my heart would be pounding in my ears. Not like asphyxiating, since the air was coming and going. But for some minutes after exerting myself over two lousy flights of stairs, I could do nothing but stand there and gasp and pant heavily.

Okay. So I couldn’t walk up stairs anymore. I began lightening the load in my backpack to only the essentials, and I took the elevator.

Another month passed. At this point, it became difficult to reach the front door of the office where I work without having the same sensation as described above. Granted, this was after a long 1-hour car ride, so I thought maybe the burst of energy after sitting for a long period had something to do with it. I was still hoping most of it was due to stress, and figured once school was over I could simply stop worrying about it.

I began walking much slower — at a snail’s pace, really. It helped a little, and once I got over the initial weirdness, I could walk much easier. That’s another odd thing — this weird sensation hits me in the first few minutes of walking, and if I keep walking during it, it eventually fades and I can walk just fine afterward.

Or at least I could, until a few weeks ago. I graduated June 19, and for a day and a half afterward (not the weekend directly afterward, but Monday and part of Tuesday), it actually lessened, and I was relatively alright. I walked from my car to my office door without having to stop my usual two times to catch my breath. This confirmed my thoughts that it had just been a stress issue. Then, on Wednesday, it hit me harder than ever, for no reason whatsoever.

At this point, I can barely walk to my mom’s front door from my car door. Once I reach it, I have to lean over the wall or something, and gasp for breath for several minutes. Walking has begun to affect other things beyond my breathing — I get a sharp pain in my head, behind my eye and through my jaw, and can’t continue. If I sit or lay down at this point, it just gets worse.

I can’t bend over. If I lean down to pick something up, whether I’m sitting or standing, this weird feeling of a head-rush comes over me and I nearly black out. Three times this weekend when I bent over from sitting, I felt disembodied — like my spirit was hovering a few inches out of my limbs, and I could no longer feel my arms or see through my eyes. Once I sat back, the feeling faded, and everything went back to normal.

I’ve given up chores, for the most part, both here and at my home. Sex is exhausting. (I’m sure you wanted to know that.) Most everything else is exhausting. Now even when I simply sit, my back begins faintly to hurt, or my chest feels oddly heavy. And the worst part, perhaps, in all this, is that I won’t have health insurance until October. I have to live this way all summer, because I can’t afford to do anything otherwise.

I often wondered at the sense of urgency I’ve always had, ever since I was little. I always felt that I would never have enough time to do everything I wanted to; and so I felt like I had to squash it all into as little time as I could. It’s made many things less enjoyable, and many more things more enjoyable. But I still wonder. I’ve never felt so weak and helpless in all my life. And if I sit hunched over my computer here, I don’t feel it at all… there’s no pain, nothing at all indicating that anything is wrong.

I just don’t know what to do. I really don’t… Can it still be from stress? I still have plenty of it… I graduated, and got a job, and things are falling into place. But there’s still so much to worry about… the lack of health insurance, for one thing, or that I’m away from my family for five days a week, or all the driving I do every day, or the crack in my windshield, or trying to find/buy a house…

I don’t know.





Gas

7 07 2009

What a crazy night.  We had two “gas” leaks tonight after not having a single one for a whole year.  It was crazy. 

The first was a natural gas leak across from our office, the second was a freon leak at the chiller plant.  Talk about fun. 

It is 5am now and I really need to get to bed though I still don’t feel all that tired.  I just spent an hour updating my farm on FarmTown so that was nice – I planted 3 day crops so don’t have anything more to do with it till then.

One big thing I am going to do on my day off is try to de-hair the apartment.  Bennie sheds so badly that there is hair everywhere – drives me crazy.  Picked up the pepper shaker yesterday and there was even dog hair on it.  Gross.  I’m going to have to start vacuuming every other day and comb him every day to minimize his shedding.

Took them for a short walk at 3:30 am – is sure was nice outside. 

ONE MORE DAY TILL VACATION!!!!!!!!





I Just Don’t Know…

6 07 2009

I thought I had a second person tonight until 3am but apparently that isn’t the case.  Not that it will be busy, it shouldn’t be – but it would have been nice to know so I could have eaten earlier.  The first break they offer around here is usually around 3am which is when I will be going home.  Ugh.

I’m hungry so I’m getting cranky.  Brought soup – it sure sounds good right now.

Had to go help someone at the window who lost her garage opener.  I don’t ask, what is the point? People do such stupid things and I don’t need to know why she had her garage door opener clipped to her purse instead of to the viser of her car.  I didn’t have it anyway.

I’m still bummed about Angel dying – she was only in her twenties.

Anyway, can’t think of anything more to write about so will post this and find something else to fill my time.





Loss of an Angel

6 07 2009

I received word today that one of my friends from SSO died this morning.  Her name was Angel. 

Angel was way too young to die – she went to the doctor with a UTI, got a prescription, went home & went to bed after taking it, woke up this morning complaining of her chest hurting so she went back to bed and never woke up.  Her husband found her later when he went to check on her.  They have a young daughter.

Besides being able to tell a joke so deadpan that I wouldn’t know if she was serious or not, Angel was a fantastic artist.  She would sit at her station drawing pictures using one of those computer art pads and her laptop.  In art school, she was often working on a project but would find time to also draw for others.  To say she was very talented is such an understatement of her ability.  I watched her progress on a poster for one of our other coworkers – it was amazing.   You can see her art at inqy.deviantart.com

She will be mourned by many – my thoughts and prayers are with her family.





Two More Days!!!

6 07 2009

Only two more work days till I’m on vacation! I’m excited about it.

Last night was dead and rather boring.  I played that bejeweled thing on Facebook for hours and finally topped my previous score but only by 300 points.  I wanted to get up past 125,000.

Nothing more to write – I am going to bed and hope that I don’t wake up with this stomach ache that has plagued me all night long.





Has Anyone Tried IT?

5 07 2009

I keep seeing these ads for Acai Berry weight loss supplements and, whew, getting a “free” trial offer.  Has anyone really used this stuff and lost weight?

I like the fine print where it says your “30-day” trial offer expires after 14 days so if you don’t cancel in 14 days, you are charged $85 for the “free” bottle.  Then every month you are automatically charged $88 for a month’s supply.

By the way, it also says in the fine print that all their pictures are paid models who are not on the product.  Um…does that sound like a company that has integrity and ethics? I think not.

Personally, I don’t believe it works.  I think it is another big hype product that the diet industry wants us to believe is a “miracle” weight lost supplement.  Haven’t we heard that before with Hydroxicut, Atkins Diet, Nature’s Way…and dozens more like them?

Nothing works for losing weight like cutting calorie intake and exercising.

I do have one comment though – I was on Nature’s Way for three months and while I didn’t lose any weight, the essential oils worked wonders on my dry skin.