Coincidences…

Ok, what are the chances of this???

A nursing home calls in saying they have an 85 year old dead guy that they need us to come pronounce. The death was expected. I set it up and didn’t verify the address correctly. The officer went to the address I gave him – did a report on a dead 85 year old at the nursing home there and we thought that was that.

Not so. The same nursing home called in wondering why we hadn’t arrived yet. It took literally hours to figure out that the nursing home we went to – which varied in name by only one word from the other nursing home – was the wrong one and the fact that they also had a dead 85 year old male was totally coincidence. What are the odds??

I’m afraid several other people had a hand in the long, drawn out problem – each one adding something else wrong to the call instead of fixing it. Really was quite amazing. We all got talked to by the supervisors…who also had a hand in the whole scheme…and it ended up being something we all just shook our heads at in wonder. Of course, the Lieutenant on duty wasn’t so easily pacified. I offered to apologize to him but everyone figured that would make it only worse – to just let him cool off a bit.

We always here “there are no coincidences” but, apparently, there are.

Seriously strange. We also had the second suicide by gunshot in a public place in two days. Both males, both shot themselves in the head – one in front of a busy grocery store yesterday and the other in front of the sheriff’s dept just blocks from my work area.

It makes me ask, once again, what is going on in the world????

4th of July Picnic

I’m counting down – 120 minutes till I have to be getting ready for work – 150 minutes till I have to be there. 630 minutes till I can go back to bed. Ugh.

Have to run to the store to buy something to help feed the people at work tonight. Our theme is – get this – 4th of July picnic. Whoa, how original. Took no imagination to come up with that one. Personally, I said lets do a food channel favorites theme – whatever dish looked most appealing to each person this week that is what they should make to share. Why watch hours upon hours upon hours of the food channel for nothing?

Fourth of July picnic really doesn’t give anyone a chance to showcase their talents. We have some excellent cooks on staff. Kinda disappointing that they’ll be using their culinary gifts to boil hotdogs and flip hamburgers.

But oh well. My assignment is deviled eggs. I have the eggs boiling now. Don’t want to mess with them but went to Publix and they don’t have any pre-made…must be Sweetbay that we got those at last time. I wonder who would notice if I forgot to bring them?

Rain – Gotta Love It!

After all my complaining I’m happy to say we’ve finally had rain! We had minor showers the past couple of days which is fantastic – amazing how a little rain can turn so many things green again.

Ok, my disappointment was why did it have to rain while I was cooped up at work? Didn’t seem fair but I know, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth right? I would have loved to go out to do my “raining” dance which is, obviously, different then the rain dance which I simply am not good at.

You’d think we would have cooled off after the rain but no – it is in the 90’s. It’s so hot here that the fish are boiling in the Gulf – you can go down to the beach to pick up fish already boiled. It is so hot out, even the buildings are sweating. It is so hot the shade trees are putting up umbrellas. It is so hot that if you spit it will vaporize before hitting the ground. It is so hot the birds are dropping from dehydration. It is so hot the mermaids are sun burnt. It is so hot, the mosquitoes are too tired to bite.

Did I mention that it is very hot here?

911 Dilemma

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. –European Proverb

Ok, I just got in trouble at work. It wasn’t a big thing – my supervisor did a very good job at not making me feel like an idiot.

I had a caller who said his coworker was suicidal. I tried everything to find this woman – so did the caller. We finally got her address and the caller met the officers there. The woman was not home. The caller was frantic – he believed her when she said she was going to kill herself.

He had tried to call her several times to no avail. Frustrated beyond belief – I even called the cell phone company and they couldn’t help us – I asked the caller for the woman’s cell phone number. Only when all else failed did I dial the number.

It is against policy to call a suicidal person – no matter what. The theory is that it could push them over the edge or provoke them into fulfilling their threat. I understand that and can see where it might be a problem – but so is not finding her until it is too late. My number would have come up “private” so she wouldn’t have known it was the police calling – I was planning on coming up with something like her past landlord since I had her past address.

She didn’t answer the phone – we never found her – and we don’t know if she’ll end up killing herself or not. I was told that, once we had fulfilled the policy, I should have let it go. If she killed herself, she killed herself – I had done everything required of me.

I told my supervisor that I knew I was violating the policy but didn’t want to not try and then feel badly if she ended up dead. He patted my shoulder and told me he knew it was hard but I had to realize I couldn’t save the world.

Well, anyway, guess we will see what happens. Hopefully nothing. We had a man commit suicide earlier today – he shot himself in front of a grocery store and died there with a lot of people watching. It was sad. I didn’t want to think of her doing that as well.

Anyway, my supervisor felt better for talking to me about it – he had done his job – and I apologized so I guess I did mine. I hope we never have to find out that we could have done more and didn’t.

A man can only do what he can do. But if he does that each day he can sleep at night and do it again the next day. –Albert Schweitzer

Mexican Food

Considering all the food in my refrigerator, I couldn’t justify eating out again this evening. I actually ate a salad a few hours ago anyway so not very hungry now.

My coworkers went to a Mexican restaurant close by for food – that is, they ordered and someone went to pick it all up. They went to the same establishment the other day and I participated then – it cost me $8 to eat a few bites of a chicken burro. It was delicious but they had forgotten to leave off the tomatoes, hot peppers, onions and black olives so I couldn’t eat it.

The woman who placed the orders and picked it up is not a very nice person – I’d venture a bet that she didn’t ask them to leave the stuff off. She hates “special” orders but this place makes each item to order so there is no excuse for them having giving me everything.

I’m better off eating my salad anyway – Mexican food is not known for its nutritional value. Still, it smelled good. I really didn’t need to spend the money anyway. If I keep trying, I’m sure I can convince myself of that.

Influence by Others

Have you ever found yourself giving in or being influenced by others even though your instincts tell you not to? I have and in just about every case, I end up unhappy and only have myself to blame. Why do I listen to others even when I know its not what I want? Do I honestly think others know better then me what will make me happy? Maybe it is my no confrontational demeanor.

Simple examples that come to mind are – the blinds in my living room. My neighbor thought brown ones would look better then the white ones that came with the condo. Mind you, hers are also white. Personally, I like the white but bought brown ones to pacify my neighbor. It wasn’t like she mentioned it once or twice, she harped on it off and on for several years. Now, eight months or so later, I looked and the brown ones and wondered why I had listened to her. Why didn’t I just tell her to mind her own business? I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and trying the brown got her off my case about it.

When I went to buy a bike to replace the stolen one, she insisted I should get one without speeds. I actually thought it was a good idea because who will steal one without speeds? The trouble was…who wants to ride one without speeds? Not me. Now I have a bike I don’t really like and no one will steal it to give me an excuse to buy the one I want. {sigh}.

Today I was talking to a coworker. I told her I wanted a pug. She was trying to get rid of a dachshund and spent a good twenty minutes telling me why I wanted a dog like hers. You know, I don’t care much for the dachshunds. If it had been a terrier of some sort, I may have caved. But, in retrospect, I realized that I often cave on decisions that seem to be of little importance but continue to effect me – like the shades and bike. It made me wonder why.

With plenty of time on my hands due to getting my book finished way ahead of schedule, I’ve been analyzing this tendency of mine to not fight for what I want. What I’ve come up with is as follows:

I tend to pick my battles. Ones that seem small and insignificant I cave into only to regret it later. Battles that seem important, I stand my ground but the point is, even the insignificant seeming ones should make me stand my ground to get what I want.

I don’t like confrontation – unless it is necessary due to confliction with my values, integrity or has to do with my son or family. I can be very stubborn when I’m determined to get the right result.

I tend to cave to women more then to men. I think this has to do with my upbringing. Not having a father, I find I don’t trust men to know anything about what is best for me.

I hate when people try to manipulate me or bully me but will often put up with a small dosage of it. Usually manipulators and bullies get my ire up faster then anything.

I’m not proud of these character flaws. It is no wonder I feel like a door mat sometimes. Why do I care if people’s feelings are hurt? I’d rather not make myself unhappy or have resentment towards others so I need to just be forthright from the get go. You know?

Starter Wife Finale

So, Starter Wife ended last night. I wonder if it will come back for another season? I really didn’t expect to like the movie but Debra Messing did such a wonderful job that I quickly became a fan. I’ve got them all on DVD too so can watch them again if I so desire.

I liked how Messing made the character seem believable and how she changed from a snotty rich woman to a woman who made her own way. Her decision during last nights show – when both men were telling her she had to choose between them – epitomizes what I’ve been spouting for years. If you don’t know yourself – don’t get into a relationship because it won’t work. You must know and like yourself – only then can you be happy with another. It may sound like psychological babble but it is true just the same.

I liked too how she was rejected from one publisher on her idea for a book but didn’t give up and ended up being published. It shows us all that we shouldn’t give up on our dreams – no matter who tells us we can’t do it.

The other characters were good but not quite as “real” as Messing’s character. I’m surprised that I hope it continues next season – it just is nothing like shows I normally watch.

More Thoughts

“You don’t confront your demons and defeat them. You confront them. Then you confront them. Then you confront them even more – every single day.”

That is a quote from the movie “Mind Hunters” which I happen to be watching right now. It is a good movie though it tanked at the theaters. I wonder how many people figured out who the killer was before the end – fewer then usual I bet. It is a good opening into my topic tonight…confronting demons.

Everyone has demons – things that haunt them throughout their lives. Usually about the time I’m sure my demons are finally gone because they have slumbered so long, the make themselves known again. Sounds so dramatic and mysterious doesn’t it?

Really, what is on my mind is more of the conversation I wrote about earlier. My friend brought up my being alone so much and how hard it must be to be so far from my family. It is a good point. When I moved down here I figured I’d visit up North once a year and my son or other family member. It hasn’t happened that way.

This coming November will make three years since I’ve gone up north. Funny because I remember the plane rides like it was yesterday. I should go up more but who has the time or money? Yeah, that sounded lame to my ears as well. My next trip I’d like to stay in a nice hotel with a pool, rent a car and just hang out. Instead my trips are rushed, stay with family and depend on others to get around.

Why don’t they come down to visit me more? My son doesn’t get paid vacation so it is hard for him to come down here very often. I’m hoping he makes it for either Thanksgiving or Christmas this year – preferably the latter.

My sisters don’t come down that often, other then Marge, because a vacation down here is not on their priority lists. That is fine – everyone has their own life to live. Some day soon I’ll get a new car and then will be able to do more traveling around Florida. I’d also go down to see my brother more or at least meet him halfway for lunch more.

Being alone isn’t always lonely but when it is, I have no one to go talk to. I think it is another reason I’m going to have to get involved. Some may think I mean find a boyfriend but honestly, I don’t want one right now. I want to become the best I can be so that when I am ready the relationship will be stronger. My last boyfriend didn’t care at all about who I was – he just didn’t want to be alone. That is not, in my opinion, a good reason to enter into a relationship.

Everything will work out – it always does.

Time is like a river made up of events that happen… as soon as a thing has appeared it is carried away, and another comes in its place… –Marcus Aurelius

Come Out of The Cave…

Was talking to someone today about friendships and balance in a person’s life. She informed me that my life right now is not balanced – I spend too much time alone in my cave. I need to get a hobby, join a club, take classes, go shopping, anything but just staying home and going to work.

I’ve been mulling over her suggestions on how to balance out my life a little more. It sounds so easy – get a hobby. Well, what kind of a hobby would I be interested in? Nothing that has to do with putting together small things such as puzzles or models – they usually end up thrown against the nearest wall long before I get them completed. I love to read and write – but granted, those aren’t hobbies that include other people. I don’t really collect things…am not much for material things at all really. I watch people at work making jewelry and scrap books but none of that sounds all that interesting to me.

Ok, so join a club. This I may have to look into doing but what club? The minor problem with clubs is that their meeting days are usually set and with my days off constantly changing there could be a couple months where I couldn’t participate at all. Clubs I’m interested in would be book clubs, garden club, maybe a bicycling club, a water sports club, a gun club, a horse back riding club, a “save the world” club if there are such things, and maybe a hiking club. Will have to look into some of them I guess.

Take classes – ah, this is where my interest was piqued. I’d love to take cooking, drawing, home interior design, garden design, writing, scuba diving, sailing, home improvement, and human interaction classes. There are plenty more things I’d take classes for too but those are the ones that came quickly to mind. I’d love to learn to shoot a handgun as well but that wouldn’t be hard to do if I bought a gun since I work with law enforcement. The classes would have to be all inclusive – start and end on the same day. Then I could schedule slots of time to devote to each class. For example – I may take the class on how to create a delicious lobster dinner but then skip a class that taught something like baking a cake.

Go shopping? I really don’t care to shop – stores make me dizzy and nauseous. I especially hate to shop for clothes. Shopping for furniture would probably be fun but who can afford it? There was a wonderful three or four story furniture shop I went to in Chicago with my niece – it was awesome! But again, who could afford it??

I guess my friend is right – I do need to do something more with myself before I go insane. Actually, she was more worried I’d develop PTSD because of some of the horrible things I hear every day. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder basically is that numb, unemotional, empty feeling a person who is regularly exposed to ghastly things can get if they don’t take a break from all the ugliness. I don’t think I’m in danger of such a thing because I am aware it exists and therefore mindful of it’s symptoms.

In any case – I think we all would be happier if we got involved more in our communities and our interests.

I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.
–Aldous Huxley

Update on Gator Post

Update on the gator post – the gator was killed per Florida law. There was no reprieve, no appeal, and no mercy granted. If I had the guy’s address, I’d send him a nice card with a picture of a gator & I’d share my feelings on just how big a dumb ass I think he is…oh, and trespass him from our state so that he can never return.