Taking 911 calls is not a responsibility I take lightly – we make a difference sometimes between live and death. Every time you see an ambulance, fire truck or police officer going somewhere with lights and sirens blaring it is because someone like me answered the call.
But come on people – you have to work with us! 911 is not for birds standing in the road – believe me, they’ll move for the cars. What is my proof, you ask? Did you see any dead ones lying in the road? Of course not. So calling 911 for such birds is really quite unnecessary.
If your friend refuses to come pick you up and you think they should have to – that is not against the law and no, we won’t call them to tell them they have to. Obviously you’re an idiot so who can blame them for not wanting to spend time with you? Call a cab, dumbass, not 911.
Please, for god’s sake, have an inkling of an idea of where you are before you dial 911. If you don’t have a clue, how are we suppose to? It isn’t like we have a magic ball. Saying “I’m at Walgreens in Florida” really doesn’t do much towards helping us find you.
We will not, and I repeat, will not, forward your call to someone who is long distance to save you from having to pay the long distance rate…please stop asking.
If we say police will be there at 2am on Saturday – yes, that means Saturday morning – and for you who can’t grasp the concept that the new day actually does start at 12:01 am – it will be 2am Friday night. How can people get so confused about the new day starting at 12:01 am is really beyond me. I mean – it is a pretty universal time for the new day to start.
Please answer our questions rather then going into a diatribe about how stupid the questions are. You may not understand why we need the answers but we certainly aren’t asking them just to piss you off so answer the damn questions. And if you don’t know the answer to a question, please say “I don’t know” because making stuff up when you don’t know for sure can result in many problems.
Also, saying things are worse then they really are (ie – should have said there were injuries so they’d come faster) so your call will be bumped to the front of the line can lead to charges of abusing the 911 system. Yes, we do arrest for that!
Last, but never least, if someone is invading your brain or sending you threatening mind rays and you believe it is a conspiracy between Aliens, the FBI, state and local police – thanks for calling and be sure to give us your address because we would love to have a “chat” with you.
