Cocoons and Butterflies

It seems my cocooning is almost complete – I wonder if I’ll emerge a butterfly by the end of summer? The cocoon is my condo where I’ve spent most of my time off this week moving my entertainment components upstairs to the den.

Why? Because I’m tired of dodging my neighbor. Now I can be upstairs so if she peers in as she goes by, I won’t have to hide. Ok, hiding is a bit over the top but she is still driving me nuts. Who goes to visit others at 1:30 am? Even if the person’s light is on, would you knock on their door? No, most humans wouldn’t but my neighbor does. Well, not anymore.

Now I can have my privacy – something I hold in very high regard. My den looks out over the back yard – the window has a good shade plus thick drapes so anyone going by won’t see my light on or that bluish light the TV gives off.

During the time I’ve spent alone in my home, I have been concentrating on areas of my life that I would like to change. Self-analysis has never been a problem for me.

One thing on my mind the past couple of days has been religion. Admittedly I’m not a big one on organized religion – it seems too pious for me. There is always some religious rule you are breaking or not living up to. Guilt is usually how they get their claws into a person – that whole “love” thing is just to get you in the door.

I’ve studied several different organized religions throughout my life and marvel at how often they mention god’s wrath – usually in the same breath as his love.

I’m not sure I’ll make any changes in my beliefs while cocooned in my cave – religion is something too complex to make a decision that fast. Maybe the good thing here is that I’m willing to open my mind to the subject again.

If anyone understands or has thoughts on religion, please feel free to leave a response explaining it. I’m not anti- religious – just lapsed and confused.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. –A Course In Mircles

Shooting in a not so small town

So we had a shooting today – a murder/suicide they are saying on the news. A woman went to a doctor’s office where she use to work – shot an ex-coworker before returning to her house to kill herself. The news reporters are trying to figure out why the upbeat woman decided to go on a killing spree.

They deduct that she was forced out of her job a couple of weeks ago but remained in contact with one of the women there – though it was a colored with a bit of animosity. It wasn’t until the doctor’s office contested her unemployment that she seemed to snap. She went back to the doctor’s office to kill the coworker before turning the gun on herself.

Everyone is appropriately “shocked” that such a sweet, quiet woman could do something so horrific. Her neighbors said she kept to herself but always seemed pleasant enough when they ran into her. She had a love of exotic birds and had quite a collection of them in her house. Neighbors dabbed their eyes and made sure they looked straight into the camera a few times to look sincere.

I like how the killers are always “quiet”. Jeffrey Dahmer was “Quiet” – Ted Bundy was “Quiet” – so many others too. Just the nicest people to have living next door or in the same building as you. Such perfect neighbors.

Well, maybe that is the difference between those who keep all the negativity bottled up inside and those who wouldn’t know the meaning of the word “quiet”. If you don’t release the bad stuff from your heart and mind, it takes root and grows into something dark and sinister. How many times did I use “and” in that sentence??

Guess if we basically just blow up, vent our anger loudly and publicly, then we’ll never have the urge to pull the trigger of a gun. Let me get a few things off my chest – I’m sick of being subjected to stupid people and I’m tired of the beggars who stand outside fast food places wanting money. I hate it when people let their dogs shit all over our yards and refuse to scoop it for proper disposal. It really pisses me off when people don’t use their turning signals. It irritates me to no end when someone makes demands on my time – who do they think they are???

Hmmm…starting to feel better already – I think I’m onto something here. Maybe to speed up the process I should just let out a good scream Really put my lungs into it. Whew, does that feel good! I wonder if my neighbors will call 911? I doubt it – they aren’t very civic minded. {SIGH}