My Life Story

I am suppose to write my life story for my counselor. She said to “go nuts” with it and doesn’t care if it is 100 pages long.

The problem I have with this “assignment” is that it took me a long time to put some of that stuff behind me. I feel like those are just scars – something that use to be open wounds but have healed. Some of it helped make me the person I am today – I see my scars but they no longer define me or my happiness.

Why open old wounds? There is just no reason for it. She thinks it will help her get to know me faster – catapult us up to more important issues then spend each hour working on it verbally.

I haven’t begun this assignment and I’m suppose to give it to her this coming Monday. I’ve already put her off once about it but know she will keep asking me until I turn it in.

What made me seek out a counselor to begin with? My anger issues – don’t want to take it out on my cat. It wouldn’t be fair to either the cat or myself. Can’t very well express it at work even though a lot of it is a result of my stressful job.

I can’t adequately describe how frustrating it is when someone refuses to answer questions or has no idea where they are. They expect us to have some sort of crystal ball and we don’t. They berate us, call us names I could not repeat, scream at us like that is going to make a difference – and all the while you are maintaining a monotone that is meant to calm them.

Once and a great while, after the person has calmed down, they will apologize for their behavior but more often then not they don’t. I realize they are having a bad day otherwise they wouldn’t be calling but how can we send help if they have no idea where they are???

Not all calls – not even a quarter of the calls are like this but the ones who are this way really get under your skin. If not released the anger builds up until little things get you angry when normally they’d make you mildly annoyed. That was the point I was reaching but I recognized the symptoms so decided to do something about it before it became a bigger issue and possibly give me a heart attack.

Excessive Management

Today is a grim day here at the old call center. I’m thinking that I will find it hard to continue working for an agency that is so stuck in it’s militarism roots that it is unable to function outside the strict code. I’m sorry but it isn’t right.

A very wonderful person who works so very hard to help her fellow coworkers is not being allowed to go ahead in the promotion process because TWO years ago she was reprimanded for excessive instant messaging to deputies in the field. It isn’t like the deputies weren’t the ones to initiate the contact and, considering her personality, she responded rather then ignoring them. She was being friendly. The messages were not sexual or anything of that nature.

The thing is, she’d make a great supervisor. Her compassion, willingness to answer questions and her quick decision making skills would make her one of the best supervisors we had. Now, after first being told six months ago that she could continue in the process, they told her she couldn’t. She has been studying like crazy to pass the qualifying test. Needless to say, it was a hard evening for her. I was angry on her behalf, it is totally ridiculous.

It is excessive, to say the least, refusing to let her participate from being promoted for two years. They said they wanted to make an example of her. I think what they are actually doing is showing the true colors of the center and why they can’t hang on to people. It is ridiculous that one person be punished for so long for something so minor – the deputies weren’t reprimanded and still try to illicit response from other call takers. I could see a letter in her file for six months or so but TWO years?

Let’s move into the real world people.

Simon the Pest

Yesterday marked more then our nation’s Independence Day – it was also the one year anniversary of Simon coming to live with me.

He was the cutest ball of fur back then. He’d curl up so sweetly in the crook of my arm while I wrote or watched tv. Today Simon is anything but small. Some days he drives me completely nuts but each time I look into those eyes, I can’t stay mad at him.

Simon has a few quirks like if I’m upstairs in the den, he lays at the head of the staircase so he won’t miss it if I go downstairs. He insists on walking a two steps ahead of me often causing collisions because he thinks I’m headed to the kitchen when I’m really headed for the laundry room. He hates being wrong.

If I’m home he won’t go downstairs to eat unless I go to the kitchen. While I’m refilling my drink he grabs a few bites of his food. Sometimes he meows at the doorway to the den as if urging me to go downstairs so he can eat. If I’m leaving the kitchen and he is behind me he will catapult over furniture trying to get back in the lead – often to the determent of my knick knacks and lamps.

He isn’t allowed in the bathroom anymore unless I’m home and within earshot of it. He likes to take my razor and hide it downstairs. I know you are saying “just put it up out of his reach” – tell that to my last shower curtain he shredded climbing to the top shelf to get to the razor. He also likes to shred toilet paper.

Besides my razor, Simon loves to steal my pens. I have to actually put them in my pocket if I’m running to the restroom. If I accidentally leave one behind it will have vanished by the time I get back and Simon will sit there so innocently while I search for it.

I know he gets lonely being home alone for long periods of time. It is another reason I want to get a dog. I think Simon the Pest would love that even if the dog didn’t.

Computer Dating

Was thinking about some of my coworkers who have recently met their “perfect” mate on the internet. Several used eHarmony but some used regular chat rooms. One of them got married two weeks ago – they are already expecting their first child. Another coworker is slated to get married this fall. Some are already married and swear they are blissfully happy.

I went to the eHarmony website and took their very long, but free, personality test. I didn’t like the resulting profile – it made me sound boring and unimaginative. Couldn’t imagine it would glean any good results. I certainly don’t want to date the equivalent of myself.

I’m not looking for a mate – a requirement of eHarmony. I basically wondered what the personality test would reveal. As old fashioned as it sounds, I still believe that courtship is an art not something an impersonal computer can figure out for you.

I know it can calculate out the variables that are impossible to know when you first meet someone new through traditional means – such as if they want kids, their general opinion of life. It knows, statistically, the amount someone would probably match up with others – that doesn’t mean much to me. I like working on chance and happenstance.

Nothing beats the tingly feeling a person gets when they first meet someone new – with no preconceived notions – that you are instantly attracted to. That hot flush that races through your veins – that hint of dangerous liaisons. Computers can’t give you that. You meet that person already knowing too much about them and with the idea that the computer said you’d be good together..

What about those who want someone totally opposite of themselves? If the computer bases its suggestions on what a couple has in common – what about those of us who don’t want to date the equivalent of themselves only of the opposite sex?

Yes, its suppose to also decide on how a couple compliments each others strengths and weaknesses. I suppose these coworkers are success stories so I can’t really bash the system. Guess if they last “forever” then I’ll have to take back all the ill feelings I have towards computer dating.

I just find it hard to believe that people can’t meet and fall in love the way our parents did. Like I said, I’m just too old fashioned I guess.

The Heartland

While waiting for my computer to reboot again, I watched the Weather Channel to see what our weather would be like today. We could use some rain, but that is beside the point.

I watched a segment on how towns in Oklahoma are underwater due to a lot of rain. There were pictures where you could only see the roofs of houses. Very sad that all those people have such huge disappointments ahead of them as they find out how many of their irreplaceable things were ruined. I wonder if the insurance companies will try to back out of paying like they did here in Florida after the hurricanes. Hope not.

They interviewed someone who said that the Heartland was strong and people always stepped up to help others. Gotta tell you, coming from the Heartland myself, that is so very true. People in the Heartland are generous and resilient. They have to be because a lot of them are farmers or other occupations that depend on the weather to cooperate with them. A bad season in the Heartland can mean an entire crop was ruined – the farmer is just out that money. There isn’t insurance for one’s crops – there is no payout.

Each person from the Heartland knows they may need someone else’s help someday so they make sure they help others. I had a contact stuck in my eye on the way home from Missouri once. I had to pull over to get it out. In the short time it took to get it out and remoisten it, I had four different cars stop to ask me if I was OK. That isn’t something you see too much in metropolitan places.

In the Heartland, strangers wave at you for no reason. Down here in Florida, if you wave at someone you don’t know they are looking around for the nearest police officer. When did people forget how to interact with each other in a pleasant and civilized manner?

I’m not saying the Heartland is perfect – it has it’s problems just like the coastal places but I think some of it is the differences in the social status of the people. All the rich, snobbish, self-important people want to live in the coastal regions – the Heartland is more for the average hard working person. The people in the Heartland who are snobbish all flock to the coastal states as soon as the weather turns chilly so we only have to put up with them five or six months out of the year.

The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back. –Abigail Van Buren

Computers

COMPUTERS!@#!$@!~ This is not a good way to start the day. To write and send ONE email to my sister I had to reboot twice. Really irritates the shit out of me. I’m thinking it is time to get connected through the dreaded cable company or DSL. Probably the cable company. No matter what a person chooses, it costs an arm and a leg. I get sick of it.

Each week I check my hard drive for fragmentations and bugs – if it finds any then I run the system programs that clean up the drive. I treat my computer well – it is so damn frustrating when I can’t do simple things on it without it going nuts. I think it has to do with the phone line – someone was probably calling me & it disconnected the modem. Not that many people have my home phone number but that doesn’t seem to stop telemarketers.

{deep breath} Just have to let go of the negativity – don’t want it to shadow my entire day.

Classified Blues

Do you ever get the feeling that other people are thinking too much along the same lines as you are? I mean, I have been trying to get a pug for over two months but every time I call about one that is in the classifieds, someone has already beat me to it.

I don’t want a puppy necessarily but would take one if that is all I can get. The thing is, why are so many others looking for pugs too? I want them because of their adorable scrunchy faces. Is there any other small dog that has scrunchy faces? I haven’t been able to find one.

I just find it so hard to believe that there are so many other people intently watching the classifieds for dogs as I am. Pugs never seemed like that popular of a breed lately. Looking at the paper there are so many other breeds in there more then pugs.

Sad to say but I may have to branch out in Florida to find a pug. There are kennels in Northern Florida but I didn’t want to have to drive that far with my car. Oh well. Guess I’m just like a thousand other people – sure clips my belief that I’m unique huh?

Parking for Fireworks

Finally back home! I’m happy to be here and to unwind. It was dead the 1st four hours but the 2nd four were so damn busy that I barely had time to hang up before it rang again.

I must say something here because I wanted to say it all evening to callers:

You got to the fireworks early so you could park as close as possible to the bleachers. You didn’t want to have to carry your lawn chairs a long way or miss having the good spot to see all the fireworks.

So why the heck do you expect to get out of the parking lot and down the roads faster then those who parked by the exits? You may get to your car faster but you have several thousand individuals swarming to theirs and since mowing them over is against the law, you have to wait. So even if you get to your car first, you’ll still be one of the last ones out.

Don’t call 911 because you have to stay in line and wait – it is ridiculous. {sigh} It is very frustrating to deal with person after person calling me every vulgar name they can come up with in their inebriated state because we can’t part the traffic like Moses parted the Red Sea. I wanted to say “Happy fricken 4th of July to you too dumb ass”. But, of course, I have to be civil even if no one else is.

Oh, and Happy Freedom Day to you too!

Ah…it’s that four letter word again.

Well, my two days of freedom ended and here I am back at the old grind. Boy it went fast. Today is overtime plus I get a day of holiday time to use later. That will come in handy at vacation time.

Vacation is still up in the air as airline tickets went up $100 over last time I checked – I can’t pay the extra plus board the cat. It is all so annoying. Maybe I should check into taking the train. Do they still have trains in the US? Doubt they are any cheaper then flying.

I should stay home anyway I suppose – but nothing is definite yet. Seems like if I’m moving back next year I should wait till closer to then so I can scout out places to live and a job I want.

Wonder if my son could get a few days off to fly down. Probably not. Oh well, I can use it to get a tan and maybe get out to Myakka for a hike – it’s been almost a year since I’ve been out there. The last two times it was flooded and such a disappointment but shouldn’t be this time since we are in the midst of a drought.

Maybe I can drive down to Fort Myers as well to see my brother. I think that would be nice. I need to get a bit of work done on my car first but it shouldn’t be that expensive.

Isn’t it boring as hell to read about my indecision and struggles? I think about this stuff constantly – always wondering what I should do. Eventually I’ll give up and give my mind a break for a few hours – maybe days.