Best Guess…

How can I consider buying a different car when there are so many other needs? Doing this would limit the amount I can help my son with his expense – it would limit my ability to remodel the condo and it would chain me longer to Sarasota. The worst part is the first – my son.

I tell myself he is going to be 28 years old this month. He should be old enough to make his own way and not need me to help him financially. At 28 years old, I was making my own way with a child to support. If I can do that, surely he can support himself at the same age.

But I have always been there to help him if he needs me. I just don’t know. His happiness is very important to me – but what about my needs? My car is literally on it’s dying breath. It is 14 years old and having a hard time making it from here to work.

I wish I had some wonderful insight on how he was going to do over the next few years. Will he succeed? Will he excel? I just wish I knew. But I don’t and I can’t – I have to move forward on my best guest of how things will be.

Storms and Cars…

Ah glorious rain. Even if it is only a fraction of what we actually need, it is a welcome sight. The thunderstorm is coming down from the North – it is loud with a lot of lightning. Just love it!!!

I spent three hours today looking at cars. I gotta tell you, I’m at a loss for what would be a good one to buy. There are so many and every dealer swears theirs are better then the other guy. It gets mind-numbing.

But the search continues. It had to be interrupted for the rain – couldn’t see trying to stand out in this storm trying to look at cars. Besides, salesman aren’t big on coming out to answer questions either.

Floating Down the River of Life

What lies in wait for me just around the bend? What will tomorrow bring? Will what I do then be counted among my blessings? Will regrets haunt me? How do I know that the decision I make today is the right one? Will there be more laughter then tears tomorrow?

So many questions without adequate answers. I feel panic rising in my chest. The taste of fear makes all else taste bland and bitter in my mouth. My “flight or fight” instincts kick in – I want to run and hide. Better yet, jump back in bed, put a sleep mask on to block the light and pull the covers over my head.

Most days I float along on the river of life, content and secure with my choices. I don’t worry about tomorrow or what it will bring. I have always tried to live by the Bible verse: “Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

Every now and then I try to look around the bend at what lies ahead and I start agonizing. The river divides up ahead – should I go right or left? Ohmygod – if I go the wrong way will the river rejoin ahead someplace so I can get back to where I should be?

What I must remember each time I do this is that long before I reach that divide I will gain the knowledge needed to make the right decision on which path to take. I can’t enjoy today if I’m so worried about tomorrow.

I also believe that each new dawn brings another day full of opportunities to correct one’s path if a wrong choice was previously made. I’ve come to realize this week that until it is engraved on your headstone, nothing is set in cement.

So I take a deep breath, the panic subsides and I settle once more into enjoying my serene float down the river of life.

I wish I could have known earlier that you have all the time you need right up to the day you die. –William Wiley