Goodnight My Bay

After the wake I decided to go back down to the Bay to watch the magnificent sunset. Pinks, purples and deep russet adorned the sky as the sun kissed this side of the world good night.

Lights that seem insipid during the day, come to life and sparkle out across the dark waters. The bridge illuminates – it is a lovely sight. I like how they under lit the bridge to give it a look of depth at night.

A pair of pelicans sweep low across the water, headed in to sleep on the shore. I breathe deeply, wish I could somehow inhale the entire scene and make it a part of my essence. With a dreamy smile, I bid the Bay and the Sun good night – whispering softly as I go over the bridge “I am so blessed to live here in Paradise.”

Compared to what we ought to be, we are half awake. –William James

In Memory of Vasily Mikolyuk

Tonight I attended the wake of my next door neighbor, Vasily Mikolyuk. Though his wife and daughter have been my neighbor for the past three years, Vasily was here only a year before several strokes put him in a nursing home.

Vasily was a big, burly man who had a sparkling smile. He reminded me of Topal in Fiddler on the Roof. He spoke very little English but we had short conversations through signs or his daughter. His wife speaks little English too though she knows my name – it sounds different with her Ukrainian accent.

The whole ninety minute service was in Ukrainian. I could understand words like “hospital” and “hallelujah” but that was pretty much it. They sang three songs. The first one was so hauntingly beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. The last one sounded like it could have been “Amazing Grace” but I couldn’t be sure.

As it broke up I caught the eye of Babushka, his widow, and she came back to greet the few of us who came from our condo association. I must say, I was very happy I wasn’t the only American there who didn’t understand what was happening.

You know, I almost didn’t go. I had just stuck a homemade pizza in the oven when I glanced at the clock and realized I needed to either give up going or get my ass in gear. So I turned off the oven, jumped into some decent clothes, put on some makeup and drove to the funeral home. I am so glad I went. Her “Thank you Kathy” as she hugged me brought on the tears that had only been threatening earlier.

I left thinking about the last time I saw Vasily and how he gave me one of his big smiles. My heart goes out to Babushka – she is such a humble, meek woman that everyone in the complex thinks the world of her.

The personal life, deeply lived, takes you beyond the personal…and reaches universality. –Anais Nin

Single Drop of Rain

A haze forms over the Gulf. It is rapidly devouring the island, soon to be spilling out into the Bay. Thunder sings in harmony with the raindrops on my windshield – another great composition courteously of Mother Nature.

I’m reminded of that saying about everyone knowing the rain becomes part of the ocean but few consider that the ocean can be found in a single drop of rain. I’m sure I butchered it so will include it at the end of the post.

Only the moored sailboats dot the Bay today. No doubt most boaters feel it is too risky to be on the water today after all the hellacious storms we’ve had every day this week. I can’t say I blame them – I wouldn’t be out there either. Even the Gulf had few boats out on the horizon today and even fewer sunbathers.

Sitting here in my car I find I’m cold when the a/c is on even it’s warmest setting yet it is too stuffy to turn it off – a common problem in Florida.

All know that the drop merges into the ocean but few know the ocean merges into the drop. — Kabir

Words in Red

Since hearing a song about paying more attention to what’s written in red – I have been reading my bible more. I’ve always had my favorite chapters – Matthew, of course, and 1 & 2nd Peter, Romans, 1 Corinthains and Ephesians. Lately I’ve been just reading what Jesus said because face it, He had a lot of great things to say!

You would think that, at 44 years of age, I’d be more “solid” in my religious convictions by now. You wouldn’t be the first to tell me I seem to see-saw back and forth where this topic is concerned.

But let me tell you the things I know to be true:

God is love – He loves me despite my flawed persona. When nothing else makes sense, I can rest in that knowledge.

Sin dwells within me – I will never be perfect here on earth. No matter how good or righteous any person acts, they are not without sin. I remind myself of that fact when I start comparing myself to those who seem holier then me.

I have cried out to the Lord in utter despair, feeling like my heart was being wrenched from my chest, and He has always comforted me. He is on call 24/7 for one never knows when the abyss will try to pull you in.

I am willing to accept things on faith now that I’m older. I have learned the true meaning of “faith”. I use to be a rebel – a doubting Thomas, a Gideon – for I wanted to be shown tangible signs. I questioned everything priests, reverends, deacons, and ministers said – always wanting them to “show me proof”.

God is in control. I grapple with Him less and less for control over situations in my life. I am more able to rest in Him and let Him reign.

Most of you don’t know me personally. When I was a child, my faith was so strong – I knew without a doubt that Jesus loved me. Even well into my teens I knew God was there, my constant companion.

As tough as I tried to appear to everyone through the rough years of my life – I was actually rather fragile. Someone who was reverred by the church as a godly man put stumbling blocks rather then spiritual stepping stones in my path and for awhile I was lost.

When you see a young person who acts indifferent and uncaring – don’t be fooled, for that person is really saying that they feel a bit lost and vulnerable. They want help but past times of having that “help” turn into something cruel or depraved, makes them afraid and unsure of who to trust.

So yes, I have struggled with my spiritual walk. As a human, I will continue to struggle and fall short. But as a child of God, I can rest knowing that I am fully known and loved by Him.

1 Corinthians 13:12-13 – For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13:But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of this is love.