FRIDAY

Tomorrow is my day off. I have a doctor’s appointment at 9:30 am but otherwise the day is mine. I plan on painting the living room. Was hoping to get a lot more then just painting done but it will depend on how exhausted I am.

Tonight after work several of the supervisors and a few of my coworkers were going out for drinks. I was invited by one of my coworkers but not any of the supervisors. I gotta say, it stung just a bit that they would invite others and not me. Not that I would have gone anyway – but it would be nice to be asked. Jennifer asked, she is such a sweetie. She and I will have to get together sometime to hang out. Maybe she and I could meet up with Ronnie somewhere to hang out.

Well, it is almost midnight and I’m very tired. I don’t have any tea to have my usual cup of tea before bed – had some decaff coffee but it just isn’t the same. I need to get a few groceries tomorrow I guess.

Hope everyone has a great morning!

Geography

To help with my geography, I requested work sheets from one of the training coordinators. She had to make them from scratch as I’ve already done all the ones in the files.

Now, I asked for them over four months ago and she said she’d get them done for me. Originally I asked over a year ago but was told they wouldn’t be ready till spring. Each time I ask her about them, she emphatically swears she’ll have them to me that week, or before she goes on vacation, or right after vacation, or next Thursday…on and on it goes.

What is worse is that each time I believe her. I believe she’ll do as she says this time yet I always end up disappointed. I don’t understand why I keep taking her at her word when she has repeatedly missed each deadline that she, herself, has made.

I want to believe she’ll do as she says – she strikes me as a very knowledgeable person and very well organized but I also know she is in the process of planning her wedding and buying a house. Yes, I make excuses for her and cut her some slack. But I’m getting closer and closer to my fire dispatch training and I’d really like to be better prepared.

Closing My Eyes

Well, I’ve rested some by closing my eyes between calls in an effort to relax. That is one nice thing about days – they always have enough people working so it isn’t as chaotic as evenings. My headache, while not as intense, still throbs despite the four Advil I took earlier.

I ordered a grilled ham and cheese sandwich but it came back ungrilled. Now, I could take it back downstairs but I don’t have the ambition. I took a few bites before tossing it in the garbage, once again bitching myself out for spending money on food I am not eating. For me to get my budget under control, this has got to stop.

I’m worried they will stick me in the firepod later and I really don’t want to go over there. We are suppose to get severe thunderstorms later which will mean lightning strikes and fires. Usually the rain has the fire out before we get there but doesn’t matter, we still have to go.

Wilderness

Today is one of those days that I’d like to disappear into the wilderness and hide from the world. It isn’t that this day is so bad – I just want to be away from people in general.

I can picture my little cabin nestled in tall pine trees, smoke floating out of the chimney from the fire in the fireplace. Snow-capped mountains on all sides offer security from the outside world – making it my own little oasis.

A creek would bounce joyfully over rocks, attracting all kinds of wildlife for me to take pictures of. I’d go for hikes in the woods to find remote waterfalls where I’d lie on the grass looking up at the blue skies.

At night I’d enjoy the heat of my fireplace, wrapping up in a nice thick throw with a nice hot cup of tea. Maybe I’d read or write or maybe I’d just sit there and stare into the dancing flames. I love fires.

I think if I ever can – I will find this place and enjoy it as a summer retreat each year.

Friends???

What should I think about a person who calls me her “good friend” yet she doesn’t save a seat at the meeting? I always save her a seat – even at briefings each shift we work together.

After work or, in today’s case the meeting, I always wait for her if I get out first. I walk down to her car with her. She never waits for me – never makes an effort like that.

During the day, if we are placed in the room where we can both get up together – then she always asks me to walk. When we do walk – its all about her. Yesterday I tried steering the conversation to something else but she brought it back to her.

I don’t mean to be critical and I’m not saying it hurts my feelings but it does make me wonder. I know it isn’t high school where we wait for each other in the hallway to talk about our classes or boys or whatever.

I also have called her the last two times the OT sheets have come out and she was gone so she could get in her required overtime. She has never done that for me.

I’m one of the first to admit I don’t know much about being a friend. I don’t have many friends because I’m more of a loner. People who ask me to “hang out” with them scare me because I’m not sure what we’d talk about. I do know there are levels of friendships but I don’t know what they are.

Maybe I don’t make my needs apparent. I have problems confiding in people so that makes me sound unapproachable. People seem to have no trouble telling me their problems or darkest secrets or what is wrong in their lives. I don’t know…maybe I’m just too damn tired.

Long Day

What a morning! Got a call on my cell at 9:40am – I was still in bed, having shut of the alarm rather then hitting the snooze button. I had to be to a meeting at 10am so I had to rush. I got there with barely a minute to spare.

The meeting lasted a whopping 10 minutes so I ran home to get cleaned up and ready for work. I got back one minute late. Now, 35 minutes into my shift, I’ve got a headache that is just pounding. Have 11 hrs 25 min to go.

I hate starting the day out so rushed – I need my wake up time in the mornings. I’m exhausted and this is going to be a very long day.

Darkness Reigns

Such exciting news today in the paper! Child mortality rates around the world have dropped to a mere 10 million each year. Whew, at least it is down to a manageable number now. Where is my checkbook?

Of course, some people dispute UNICEF’s claims but that there is a decline is something they all agree on. It is sad when we can get happy about ONLY 10 million children dying out of the 50 countries the U.S. tracks.

My heart is heavy with all the bad news I’ve read about today. I believe it shows us that humans are incapable of managing or living their lives without God. We try to do things through political methods and what not, but we can barely make a dent. I say let’s spend more time in the Bible, more time trying to be like Jesus – then through Him we would end so much of these horrors that plague humanity.

Please people, be safe and it’s a jungle out there where many of the inhabitants are starving to death. There are also a lot of psycho’s out there so mind your children!

Kidnapped and Tortured

I imagine everyone has heard about the 20 yr old black woman who was kept prisoner, tortured and raped repeatedly for a week before police raided the place to free her. The people told her that she was black and that was all the justification they needed for doing the things they did. They stabbed her in the leg four times, tried to strangle her, etc.

Now, keep in mind that I am not a violent person. However, I would love to drop these six white people in Harlem with everyone there knowing what they had done. Not one of them would get less then what they deserved.

How can hate and racism still exist like this in a country that spouts freedom and equality? It makes me angry and sick all at the same time. Humans are worse then the animals that walk around on four legs. They lie, cheat, torture, and kill one another for no better reason then it is what they felt like doing. They see someone’s suffering and, instead of feeling compassion, they feel a sense of power that makes them want to hurt the person even more.

These kinds of things really get to me. I feel very sorry for that woman and hope she makes a complete recovery. How does one ever mentally recovery from what those people did to her though? I don’t know. {sigh}

6 Yr Old Found Hanging

This one also comes out of Texas. A 6 yr old child was found hanging in the garage at her home. She had been sexually abused before being strung up.

The mother says she last saw her child at 1 am when she let her sleep on the couch. She went looking for the child when the child failed to get ready for school. She found her – that is one 911 call I’m glad I didn’t get.

There is no doubt in my mind that the killer will end up being someone in her extended family or a family friend. She was probably carried out without waking up or knew the person who lured her to her death. Whatever the case, this is another psycho that needs a firing squad.

I know I sound like a violent person but I am not. But I can not tolerate torture and sadistic things done to my fellow humans. It grieves me. These killers can not ever be rehabilitated – not ever – so why allow them to live? Especially if they confess. I don’t get it. Let’s cut the budget and quit spending the money giving them trial after trial; appeal after appeal.

Beheading Conviction Overturned

A 27 year old man who was convicted four years ago for beheading his girlfriend’s three children has had his conviction overturned due to improprieties made during the trial. This man confessed to killing the children but I guess that doesn’t count these days.

Disgusting huh? The mom was also involved in the killings of her children – a 3 yr old, 1 yr old and 2 month old.

These kinds of cases are why I don’t like to read the newspapers anymore – society is getting too sick. Yes, maybe only a percentage of society acts this way, but the percentage is growing each year instead of diminishing. That is damn scary.

The article I read does not say anything about a new trial – I assume they will have one. Sometimes I think we should bring back shooting squads. People confess to horrific crimes like this do not get a trial – they go straight to the firing squad. Why waste tax payers money when they admitted to the killings?

The man’s excuse is that he was on drugs and mentally ill. How anyone could live with themselves after doing something like that is pretty cold hearted. He doesn’t seem too broken up over it but then, why should he be when the children’s own mom wasn’t?

So now we have to pay for a new trial – if they even try for one. It happened in Texas. While killing this man is not going to bring those children back, it will rid this world of a sadistic asshole who we will otherwise have to support for the rest of his life. If he must live, then I am all for solitary confinement for the rest of his life – let him sit in a small cell staring at the wall. No books, no amenities, no human contact.