Whatever…

Today was an OK day – not all that great but not horrible either. It gave me a very bad headache though. Really am not looking forward to the next five days. I sure can’t wait to go to evenings.

The kids went out for chicken wings – I don’t really like them so I ate McDonald’s instead. I put in the movie “Ghost Rider” but really couldn’t stand it after the first fifteen minutes so changed it to Boat Trip. I don’t know if it will be any better but I really like Cuba Gooding Jr and he is in it.

Sorry that this is short folks – I don’t seem to get a lot of computer time these days.

Sunday Already

It is Sunday already and I weep at the idea of having to go back to work tomorrow. I really am not happy with my job – I need to find a different one in a few months when I can. Kind of have to wait to see what happens with the condo. Just want my own office, with my own desk, my own computer, and my own door. Want to be able to put up pictures I like and make my own schedule. I hope to get a job like this before the year is out. Yes, it may mean a wage cut but if the condo is taken care of, I can handle it.

Took Baxter and Rocco out for a 2.5 mile walk today. We did fine the entire way to the bridge but it rapidly went downhill from there. Rocco freaked out at the bridge. He twisted around and fought the leash so hard I thought he was going to dislocate my shoulder. Baxter then started acting up too so that made it even worse. There were fishermen on the little bridge but I don’t think that is what freaked Rocco out. Not sure what was.

He managed to slip his head out of his collar while fighting with me – he wasn’t aggressive, he was terrified. A couple of the guys tried to help me round him up but he wouldn’t come near me until I got away from them and the bridge. Then he came over and I slid the collar back around his head. All the way back to the car, he pulled on the leash so hard my arm and wrist ached. Every person we passed, Rocco acted aggressive to which is very unusual for him. I was glad to get them home. Towards the end of the walk, Rocco slipped out of his collar again so guess it is back to the choke chain. I hate that thing but it stays on him more then this nylon collar does.

The day is fast slipping by me now and I am starting the mental countdown till work. I can’t explain why I’m so unhappy there, but I am. Maybe once I switch to evenings I will feel better about the place but I doubt it. I think I will still want to change jobs when I can.

Well, I’m off to peel some potatoes. Wendy is making potato soup – I can’t wait till it is done. I love potato soup!

Blind Descent

Started and finished “Blind Descent” by Navada Barr. First, let me just say, once again, that people who go squirming around in caves are crazy. People who go in cave passages that are so tight that in some areas you have to push or pull your clothes in front or behind you (yes, go through naked) – are insane at best.

Several times the book triggered feelings of claustrophobia so intensely that I had to go outside to breath in some fresh air. Yes, I know that there are some breath taking views 200 ft under the surface I walk on – I know there are caverns bigger then mountain ranges with waterfalls, lakes, and precious metals flowing like wine.

Would I love to see these sights in person? Absolutely. Would I slither through worm holes to do so? Absolutely not. I know I’ve shared this before but I can’t help but think about it now. When I was young and foolish enough to think it sounded fun – I did worm hole in a cave. All I could see in the illumination of the light on my head was the bottom o the feet of the person ahead of me. There was no room to even change positions – if you entered it on your back, you would not be turning onto your stomach halfway through.

Then, backing out o the worm hole was not fun because all you could see was those feet coming at my head. At one point, in a cavern not quite big enough to stand in, our teacher had us douse our lights. The blackness was absolute. You literally could not even see the tip of your nose and no, your eyes don’t ever adjust because there is no light source. You are blind in a cold, dusty cavern with the only way out being another worm hole.

I went into that cave pretty normal – I came out so claustrophobic that even airplanes seem too small to be in any length of time. I banged my head so hard furiously climbing out to the fresh air that I saw stars. I will never go in another cave like that. Now Ruby Falls – where a person can walk upright the whole trip – is fine. I like seeing the stalagmites and the beauty and know that the commercial sites are nothing compared to the beauty in harder to reach places. I can only hope those who are crazy enough to go in, come out with some awesome pictures.

OK, so back to the book. In it Anna Pigeon – a favorite character of mine – descends into a treacherous cave where her more experienced good friends suffered grievous injuries in a spelunking accident. The accident was an actual attempt on the friends life by someone on the spelunking team. Anna, of course, must piece together the puzzle before she becomes the next victim. The first half of the book dealt with the cave rescue, the second was her figuring it out from the surface.

I didn’t find the book to be “gripping” but Barr’s descriptions of the cave and caverns were informative with several plugs for conservation of this beautiful underworld. I enjoyed being with Anna on another adventure though it was not my favorite by a long shot.

Would I recommend the book? Of course – it was good and thought provoking. Does it make me want to go spelunking? NO WAY!!

Happy, Happy, Happy…

Um…don’t ask why I named this post that because all I can tell you is that it is the only thing that came to mind as I sat staring at the blank screen. I’ve been studying my training manual for my new job and my brain is pretty well fried.

It is very cold out these days, again. Right now it is 34 degrees out – it was spitting snow earlier. They (Weather Channel crew) say it will be in the 50’s by the end of the weekend – I hope so.

Right now I have on “Army of Darkness” – I’m going to have to get a copy before I move out on my own as I enjoy listening to it in the background.

My training officer went home sick on Friday and Monday – then called out sick Tuesday and Wednesday. I am way behind in my training and they are all bent out of shape over it. My training officer returned today and was not happy. As much as I resented feeling like it was my fault – I realized this afternoon that it partly is.

My training is my responsibility. If I want the best training possible, then I need to be assertive and insist on it. The other trainers who covered for mine could have covered more stuff with me but didn’t. I should have been insistent rather then let them dictate what we were doing. So I can’t be passive, waiting for them to direct me…I need to take the initiative and be a bitch if necessary to get what I need.

So tonight I’ve been studying the book. Tomorrow and Monday we have extra people in the room so we won’t have to take a lot of the stuff – this will get us caught up to some degree…I hope. I hate being behind.

Ecclesiastes 5:19-20

“Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work – this is a gift from God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.”

This is a passage I underlined earlier this week but thought it kind of went with the Romans one. God gave Solomon many things in his life but did not give him the ability to enjoy these gifts. Solomon decided everything “under the sun” was worthless and meaningless – a “chasing after the wind.” Of course, God was showing him great wisdom that he passed along in the above titled chapter of the bible.

How many of us enjoy our “lot” in life? Most of us constantly want more, more, more. Shouldn’t my life be somehow more exciting, fulfilling, exceptional? How many of us like the work that we do? We complain about coworkers, rules, and many other things. How many of us feel like we are where God wants us?

My prayer has been this week that God grant me the gift of accepting my lot in life and being happy with my work. Such an overall feeling of peace that must be! I want to stop spending so much time and effort trying to make things happen or attain things that won’t bring me happiness. I often say I want to simplify my life and I think this is one reflection of that thought – to accept the simple things and be happy in one’s work.

Well, it is almost my bedtime – 5:30am comes very early. My prayer for you and myself is that we take this bible verse to heart and find an inner peace that only God can bring.

Romans 9:16-18

“It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: ‘I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.’ Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.”

I have been reflecting on this passage since finding it last night. I already had some of it underlined in my bible so I must have found it earlier and ran across it again. My focus has mostly been on the first line.

It reminds me that I can expend a fair amount of energy and effort but still not get the end result I want. I can desire something with all my heart and work towards it my entire life but that doesn’t mean I will ever attain it. It is by God’s mercy that I receive what I ask – there is nothing I can do without him. How humbling is that?

So many times I try to do something and I keep hitting brick walls. It frustrates me and I work harder to get where I want to be. Obviously, there is only so many times you can bang your head against a wall before you stop to figure out what the problem is. My problem is that I’ve relied on my own strength rather then giving it over to God for him to work out. I need not expend much energy really – pretty much only what I need for prayer. From there, as I stay open to his guiding, all I need is patience and faith in his mercy and love. I find the two go together a lot – mercy and love.

Call 911 Properly

Let’s discuss proper vs stupid answers to 911 opeators:

A – 911, what is the location of your emergency?
w – “Yeah, uh Iowa”
r – “2467 Benton St, Seville Apts, #301

B – What is your name?
w – “Bob, er I guess Robert but People call me Bob most of the time.”
r – “Martin Bidwell – last name spelled B – I – D – W – E – L – L”

C – What is your phone #
w – “It’s my cell phone, I don’t have a home phone anymore.”
r – “487-2496″

D – What is the problem, tell me exactly what happened.

w -”Um, I dunno, my bro just said something about um, I think it was his chest but it might be his heart – he has a lot of health problems. I could ask him which if he was conscious.”

r – “My brother is unconscious but breathing – he was complaining of chest pains.”

Can you picture which call went the fastest and which house the ambulance arrived at first? Lets use some common sense people. We also get child callers so please tell your children the proper use of 911 and write down the ino they need to give and post it by the phone.

Laundry

You know how if you watch something – intently waiting for it to be done – it never finishes its cycle? Just like a watched pot never boils – so it seems my washer never turns off. It said it would be on for 23 minutes – that was 25 min ago and it still says it has another four minutes. I think its lying. I think it is waiting for me to sit down and get comfortable – then it will stop. Its watching and waiting…damn thing. I hope the dryer is friendlier.

I hate coming to the laundromat. Funny how I didn’t use to mind it but now, after having my own for six years, I hate it.

Well, I finally sat down and the washer went of. I now have two loads going in two dryers. Yes, Marge, I washed EVERYTHING together in one washer but split the load for the dryer. Why you may ask? Because the only washer available here were the biggest ones that cost $3.49 per load. I like how every one of them are off by a penny – $1.69 instead of $1.70; $3.49 instead of $3.50 and $2.79 instead of $2.80. Do they really think that fools anyone into thinking they are a bargain?

I miss Duds-n-suds where I could watch a big screen tv or play pool while waiting for my clothes – could even enjoy a beer if I wanted. This place is twice as expensive and twice as boring.

Psyche Evals

Wouldn’t it be nice if judges could order psyche evals for people before they release them on bail? Have a check ran by checking with friends on whether the person ever displayed violent tendencies or spoke of murder or suicide?

The news eludes to the fact that today’s gunman should have been considered an “at risk person and possibly monitored better. What they base it on other then hindsight, I don’t know. But wouldn’t it be nice if the courts had the manpower to spend time figuring out who might kill themselves and/or their families?

I’d assume, from watching movies such as “cold cases”, “American Justice” and “Forensic Files” that there are some serious character markers to identify these people – someone just needs to standardize a profile the courts can use. Hey, if they error on the side of caution isn’t that better then five innocents being brutally murdered? I think so.

The judge can’t be blamed for releasing the man – he met the criteria for release. The judge followed the letter of the law. However, there has to be a psychological element to the law or what good is it???

The four children, by the way, all under the age of seven – were adopted from foreign countries. The youngest just arrived at the home a few weeks ago. The family had to fight to get the child after he was arrested. Guess those children didn’t have a chance in either their home countries or this one.

Family Annihilators Revisited Again

Today I’m going back to a topic I wrote about last year – family annihilators. Obviously I can’t go into all the specifics other then what is already public record and in the news but here it goes.

This morning it was found that a well known bank manager shot his wife and four children. He then proceeded to commit suicide using a concrete wall guard to a bridge and his vehicle. Why? Because he had been caught with his hand in the company till he was released pending a trail.

My anger stems from his personal belief that his family couldn’t stand the shame of it if he just killed himself. They couldn’t go on living without him. Maybe he thought they shouldn’t go on without him or maybe he was angered at the thought that they would and could have a happy life without him. Whatever the case, he shot them all.

Why didn’t he kill himself right then as well? Why drive away from the scene and risk being caught before being able to kill himself? Was it too much for him, standing in the midst of his massacre? Did he need to runaway to distance himself from his actions? Did he need time to talk to God? Or did he chicken out when it came time to swallow his own bullet? What a coward. I hope he rots in hell for all eternity.

What if he did ask for forgiveness? Would God forgive him? According to the Bible – if the man was a christian – then yes, he’d be forgiven. It may anger and sicken us to where we’d say “no quarter given” but we aren’t God.

We’d like to think these type of people go to hell – surely Ted Bundy didn’t make it into heaven..?.. But if he found God and asked for forgiveness then yes, he did. Think of Simon Peter who stoned Christians before God called him.

UPDATE: Autopsy reports revealed that he bludgeoned his family to death with possibly a baseball bat. My son said it would take a lot of resolve and madness to be able to keep swinging a bat at your loved ones. Only a monster could be so callous. I am enclined to agree.