Embarrassing

So I stopped at Panara on my way to work today for some soup.  I ate a bowl there and then took a bowl with me to work of their scrumptious potato soup for later.  As I always do, I stopped in at a convenience store for something to drink.  I didn’t pay much attention going in but as I went to the counter to pay, I noticed a very good looking deputy in there also buying drinks. 

Unfortunately I was wearing a jacket that covered up the patch on my left breast that identifies what PD I work for. So as discreetly as I could, I moved the jacket back as much as possible to reveal my identity boob. I looked up and he was looking at me…he probably thought I was going to flash him or something. Maybe he thought I was trying to impress him with my lack of boobs – I don’t know but I blushed bright red and felt pretty daft. He didn’t seem to notice, thank goodness.

In an effort to get close enough for him to read my patch, after all law enforcement agencies always talk to each other so figured it was a good ice breaker, I moved up behind him in line and jingled my keys a little hoping he’d look up. He started talking to the cashier and didn’t seem to notice me at all…so much for law enforcement officers being in tune to their surroundings. I stood patiently behind him…maybe a little too closely because I could smell his aftershave lotion (I had to refrain from reaching out to pat his pistol) – I kicked myself for not spraying on some of my wonderful perfume but then realized I didn’t have any makeup on either so what was the difference? I was as pale as a cumulus cloud and as odorless as a plastic bag…hell, I wouldn’t notice me if I was looking in a mirror.

He was taller than me, a little bit younger I would guess, muscular and quite impressive. His smile made it all a perfect package – not that he smiled at me…no, it was the clerk behind the counter who cracked some joke I was too distracted to hear.

The deputy paid for his drink and started out the door. Knowing he could get away from me pretty quickly if I let him, I had the exact change ready to toss to the clerk so I was practically on the deputy’s heels as he left. Some of the change might have missed the counter but I’m sure the clerk found it all.

I had two sodas, my billfold and my car keys in my hands but I was trying to strut in an effort to appear confident and alluring. He got to his vehicle and turned slightly so I knew he was glancing my way. I quickly juggled the bottles to give a little wave when what happens? Somehow I accidently pushed the “emergency” button on my key fob so my car, which was sitting next to his, starts honking insistently with the lights flashing dizzily in unison.

Horrified, I tried to pull the key fob up enough in my hand to turn the darn thing off but I was losing my grip on my soda too. I was so embarrassed – everyone stopped to look over at me. There were three people getting gas, two store clerks, and another customer besides the deputy. Beleaguered, I finally found the right button to turn the horny car off. Talk about making a good first impression – I’m sure I appeared to be a helpless female who didn’t know how to work a damn fob. Thanks, car, for all your help in rousing this guy’s attention but not in a positive way.

The deputy went ahead and got in his car – I was too humiliated to look up and hastily covered my patchy breast so he wouldn’t see it and think what dumb broads we have working at UI Dispatch. All in all, it was quite mortifyingly gauche. I’m 46 years old and still as socially awkward as I have always been. LOL

I told my coworker about it, I thought she was going to hyperventilate from laughing so hard. Glad someone found it amusing.