Writing

Well, I’ve spent about 90 minutes typing in a few chapters of my latest story.  I do believe, if it ever is published, I will have to use a pseudonym.  Sometimes I wonder about my mildly convoluted mind.  Where do I come up with some of the horrors I visit on my characters? Maybe I’ve spent a little too much time staring into the abyss.

What also might seem strange to a lot of people is how I can go from writing on my murder/mystery stories to my light-hearted romances within minutes and never miss a beat.  Is there something wrong with me?  LOL.

One thing that can be rather disappointing is how two handwritten pages barely make one type-written so on paper it seems like I have a lot of chapters written, but once they are typed in they are quite pathetic especially if one considers how much time it took me to write them.  {sigh}  I have about 40 more handwritten pages to type in – I wanted to get them all in tonight so I could take my laptop to the dog park tomorrow and write while the dogs run around to their hearts delight.  However, I have to admit it isn’t going to get done as I am starting to grow tired.  It is 3 am so really need to be thinking about bed here before long.

I did assemble my other bookcase.  I still have space in the second one for more books – maybe I’ll visit the library tomorrow on my way in to meet my sister for supper.  Right now the library is giving away it’s used books rather than charging the $1 per hardbound.  As I’ve said before, it seems sacrilegious somehow but I’m still going to take advantage of it.  I’ve heard Goodwill has gotten a lot of books in too so maybe I will check them out as well.  Life seems better, somehow, when I have my books around me.  I didn’t like shutting them away in the pantry.

My furniture list is slowly being whittled down.  Still need a smaller entertainment center, a kitchen table, a dresser or two, and another end table.  Course then I will have to concentrate on art again.

Hilarious

Talk about something being hilariously ironic – I finally get an offer on my condo just after I’m served the foreclosure documents.  Isn’t that just so damn laughable that it makes a person want to laugh till they cry? I know I sure laughed over it.  It is too late, according to the attorney, to sell it now that I have an offer.  It has been on the market for almost a year.  Really just makes one want to throw up their hands in disgust and shout out at the universe “what took you so damn long?”

Bread in the Oven

Put the last loaf of bread in the oven – can’t wait till it is done so I can have some with melted butter.  I love this stuff.  There were three loaves originally but made the other two over the last few months.  Tonights loaf is the last one. 

Was sitting here working on the computer when I noticed a little purple feather float out from the kitchen.  I thought, “hmmm” but wasn’t overly interested enough to get up to see what purple bird lost a feather.  I eyed it a few times frowning but it was a small feather so whatever…not going to get upset by a little feather.

After several more minutes, a couple more purple feathers floated out.  I kind of frowned at that but was in the middle of a sentence so decided I’d check on it in a minute.  As I was moving the laptop to get up, a whole slew of purple feathers came fluttering out – apparently there was a very large purple bird in my kitchen molting.

The moment I went around the corner to the kitchen, Bennie ran to the kennel.  That is never a good sign.  Baxter always manages to look so innocent but I have no doubt he was very much a part of the mayhem that took place in there. 

Rather than a purple avian, the victim of my dogs vicious attack was my new feather duster that they somehow managed to get down off the hook it was on.  I forget sometimes that they are both awesome jumpers.  My poor feather duster lay totally defeathered on the floor – feathers were everywhere.  {sigh}

Right now Baxter has the green little toy I bought them the other day in his mouth while sleeping under the loveseat.  It is so adorable – wish I had my camera handy.  He use to do this with his christmas dog too before I lost it – it is the only toy he ever latched onto and was protective of.  Already he doesn’t like Bennie touching his toy – Bennie has the orange one.  Baxter won’t play with the orange one – only the green one.  I can throw the orange one and he just sits there waiting for me to toss the green one.  I know he can’t see the colors but suppose it smells differently in a way only dogs can smell.  Of course his reluctance to share just makes Bennie want it all the more.

Have something that has been bothering me all night thus far – something on my brain that I can’t figure out.  I hate feeling helpless to help someone  who is miserable – it makes me so livid.  I have such a headache from mulling it over for the last six hours and my inability to come with a viable  rescue plan.  Ugh.  Why does so much in life come down to money? If I had a lot of it, there would be no question on which course of action would be proper.  Damn.

Imagining…

My gaze met Denise’s husband’s gaze and then went to her father’s.  Both were looking at me.  I wondered what they thought about while sitting there listening to the Defense whine about the poor, poor Evil One’s rights.  Did they wrap themselves in the warm folds of the blanket of Justice or did they want to exact a pound of flesh from the monster who kidnapped Denise from the security of her own home where she was with her two little children, then raped, shot and buried her in a shallow grave? I know what I would be thinking if it were me sitting there.

I have an awesome imagination and would not stop from using it to come up with extremely cruel, tortorous techniques that I would employ on anyone who did to my child what he did to theirs.  I would have no mercy, grant no quarter.  Did that make me a monster as well? Maybe but there would be no power on earth or heaven that could stop me from avenging my child if I were given the chance. 

The battle over the transcript is completed and I’m asked a few more questions before the Judge rules in our favor – the jury could see the transcript and read along while listening to the tape.  They can not, however, take the transcript from the room or use it during their deliberations.  My purpose for being brought to Florida was a complete success.

The Judge ordered the jury back into the court room – I remembered to stand this time, having forgotten to when they left the room.  I was, in fact, one of the only two people who remained seated the first time – the other person being the Court Reporter.  Actually, I was confused when the Judge said the Juror’s had to leave the room and thought he meant I had to as well but I was motioned to stay in the box by a deputy who saw me gathering my purse and getting ready to leave.  So I sat instead of standing – duh – I was so nervous but still, it wasn’t proper of me to do so.  But I remembered to stand when they were brought back in so that was good. 

They filed back in - we all sat – and the Prosecutor asked me most of the questions about the transcript that she had asked in their absence again so the jury could hear my answers this time.  The Judge asked the Defense if they had any cross examination.  The Defense said no but they wanted to make sure it was on record that they objected to the whole thing and that their objection was over ruled. 

I wiped makeup all over my face as I attempted to dry the tears that had been streaming down my cheeks through my entire testimony.  I’m sure I looked a fright but didn’t care by this point.  I couldn’t wait to escape the courtroom.  I almost bolted before the Judge officially excused me but managed to rein myself in.  As I walked past Karen she mouthed a silent “thank you” – it was a great victory for the prosecution.

I got out of the court room and stopped by security to ask for my cell phone back.  The deputy didn’t want to give it to me unless I was positive I would not be testifying at all the rest of the day.  I assured her I was through and leaving momentarily for the airport.

Half crying I turned to flee towards the exit when a voice called my name…

Into the Lion’s Den

Even as I took my seat the Defense was on their feet to object to my very presence.  They were adamant that the tape not be played but the Judge waved their objections aside impatiently.  He reminded them that he had already ruled on this point last week and wasn’t about to address it again now.

The Defense requested a side bar so the judge hit a button that filled the room with a loud humming noise so no one could hear what the lawyers were arguing over in front of him.  I glanced over at the Defense table and inadvertently made eye contact with the Evil One.  I tried to project all my hatred and anger into my glare as our eyes locked – I wanted to see even a small signal of remorse.  But my righteous anger could not penetrate the swirling fog of evil that surrounded him.  There was no remorse, no guilt, no shame in those cold eyes glaring back at me.  I almost think he was enjoying the attention.

Regretfully I couldn’t hold the stare.  The power goes to the one who holds the stare – it is weakness to be the first to look away.  I loathed being the weak one but his malevolence was boring a hole into me psyche.  Niche’s saying  about those who deal with monsters must make sure they do not become a monster and if one stares too long into the abyss, the abyss stares back, popped into my head and I had to look away.

Karen brought me back to the warm folds of impending justice – I wrapped myself in Justice’s reassuring blanket.  As I sat there feeling very self-conscious and not liking how the lawyers and Judge talked about me as if I wasn’t in the room, the Prosecutor put up a form on an overhead projector and started asking me to point to stuff.  This wasn’t in our pre-trial briefing – I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to do.  As I stood to point with my finger at something, she said “use the laser pointer.”  I had no idea what she was talking about.  The only thing near me was a box of Kleenex and a pen.

Blushing with inadequacy, I noticed the pen wasn’t a pen at all but a little laser so I picked it up and pushed on the clip thinking the light would come on.  It didn’t.  I foolishly said I didn’t know how to work the thing to which I swear I heard snickers in the crowded room.  I was mortified that I was behaving so stupidly.  How could the jury believe I’m competent to take 911 calls if I can’t work a damn laser pen??? I took a deep breath, glanced the pen over and figured out how to make it work but the whole thing made me feel even more self conscious and foolish.

I started answering all the standard questions the Prosecutor threw at me – my name, where I lived now, where I lived at the time of the call, where I worked now, where I worked then, etc.  Almost right away the Defense was on their feet again to object to something.  The Judge ordered the Jurors out of the room so he could listen to the lawyer’s arguments and render a decision on what the jury would be allowed to hear. 

The objections were in regard to the transcript of the tape.  The Defense objected to the idea of a transcript – probably because it revealed even more what a cold bastard the Evil One was.  I was questioned about a few things on the transcript – asked to clarify things I said.  A couple of times they argued about something I said on the tape and I wanted to interrupt them to tell them the answer but I’m not allowed to speak unless spoken to…hmmm…is it because I’m a woman? Just kidding.

The Judge told the Defense that I certainly could tell who said what because I was, of course, there at the time of the call.  The Defense said they still wanted it on the record that they objected.  Whatever.  Then, because the Judge ruled the transcript could be introduced as an evidence aid (not evidence itself), the Defense started tearing it apart over things they wanted omitted.  One of the things they wanted out was the last two lines when I’m saying “don’t…don’t…Kris, I lost her.  He got the phone away and hung it up.  Can I call it back?” in utter panic.  The Judge agreed it wasn’t germane to the call so that was to be stricken from the transcript and the tape had to be stopped before that part could be heard.  It wasn’t important anyway.

The Defense wanted an earlier part where I said I thought Michael King (ie Evil One) didn’t know she had the phone and that she couldn’t hear me talking to her because she didn’t have her ear pressed against it, taken out of the transcript but the Judge refused.  He declared that to be important and that, if I as the 911 operator perceived that she had the phone and he didn’t know, then the Jury could hear it.  It really is evident in the call anyway.

Because the Defense kept standing up to object to every little thing in the transcript, the Prosecutor’s staff said we should go through it page by page to make sure we got a ruling on every sentence so there wouldn’t be any objections while the tape was playing.  The Judge seemed pleased with this idea so they began the process of dissecting the call while I sat there in the witness box with nothing to do.

Unfortunately, that gave me time to let my eyes wander around the courtroom…

Pre-Trial Preparations

Karen, the prosecuting attorney, picks me up shortly after 7:30am.  She is very nicely dressed – I notice her professional appearance immediately.  She didn’t even have to introduce herself, the suit said it all.

Once we arrived in her office, she sat me down at a computer and told me I would have to listen to the call several times to refresh my memory.  I really didn’t think my memory needed refreshing and didn’t want to listen to the call but I was there to assist her and this case, not do what I wanted.

Listening to the call the first time sent me into a wave of panic and sickness.  It was all I could do not to throw up at her desk.  For some reason I had forgotten the terror and panic in Denise’s voice during the call.  I had remembered it that she was calm and I was panicked but it was actually the other way around.  By the third time through, listening got a little easier.

Once I had listened to it the three times, Karen gave me a transcript of the call that a specialized team had come up with and had me listen to the call several more times while following along in the script.  I must say, it made a huge difference in understanding what was happening in the call.

We then sat and went over a few questions she was going to ask me.  By this time, it was past time for us to get to the courthouse so we headed over.  It was hot and sticky outside which meant two things – I started sweating immensely and secondly, my new shoes rubbed unbearably against my sweaty heel which served to peel the skin back like pealing a potato.

Karen had forgotten something so I had to continue on to the courthouse alone.  I walked in and there is a huge line of people waiting to get through security.  I go to the back of the line wondering how we are ever going to get through it anytime soon.  Well, I needn’t of worried because Karen walked in, called me over and promptly marched us to the head of the line where we cut in front of everyone and went through security.  I felt pretty important being whisked through the line instead of having to wait the ten or fifteen minutes it was going to take all those other poor people to get through. 

Karen motioned a deputy over and had me locked away in a little room within minutes of my arrival.  There was no windows and nothing in the room but two chairs and a little round table.  I didn’t care – I felt sick and didn’t want to see anyone anyway.  I was told the third person to make a call to 911 in this case was testifying first.  I’m sorry I can’t remember her name off the top of my head.  Her call went to Charolotte County – it was her telling them she saw someone in the back seat of a car trying to kick a window out and screaming.  She thought it was a child but couldn’t be sure.  The 911 operator’s supervisors told the operator to ignore the call – a very costly mistake.

After a few minutes the Victim’s Advocate is brought into the room with me.  She had stepped out of the court room for some reason and isn’t allowed back in until the court takes a break.  It is a strict rule that the judge put into place so people wouldn’t be disrupting service by going in and out.  We sat there discussing silly things – vacations and different states.  She is the person who is the liaison between the family and the public/legal team.  I told her to tell the family how terribly sorry I that I could not have done more to save Denise.  I knew I wouldn’t get the chance to tell them myself and wasn’t sure I could have even if I had been able to.

After about thirty minutes the door opened and the same deputy who locked me in there told me they were ready for me.  She ushered me to a security area where I had to remove my shoes, have my purse searched and hand over my cell phone.  I’m trying to rush but she keeps asking me questions about my cell phone so I pause to answer her.  As I pause, she glances up and exclaims very loudly “What are you doing? They are waiting for you!” to which I turn to go in when she says just as loudly “put your shoes on and take your purse” which means I had to turn back to get those things.  She sighed loudly and it was obvious I was annoying her. 

What annoyed me though was that the door was being held open by another deputy so EVERYONE in the courtroom heard her exasperation’s.  I was so embarrassed.  I walked into the courtroom and everyone was looking at me.  I wanted to sink into the carpet.  There were about a dozen deputies in the room standing guard over various areas.  One very nice one ushered me halfway into the room where another one took over and guided me to the stand.  I felt every eye in the place boring into my back as I stumbled my way to the middle of the room where I had to take the oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help me God.  Then I was sent to the elevated chair in the wooden box.

I took a deep breath, turned and faced not only the most evil presence I have ever encountered but also the eyes of Denise’s tormented family.  I sat down, fighting back tears.

Preparations Begin

So the time is here and I have to start making preparations for my trip. I took the dogs into my son’s house – they started fighting right away with Rocko and Tank which surprised me because I really thought they’d get along. It makes me nervous about leaving them but my son will make sure nothing happens to my dogs – he knows how much they mean to me.

Got home and started cleaning. I don’t want to come home to a dirty house because that would be depressing. There is a lot of cleaning to do and I’m debating cleaning or sleeping. I have only had three hours of sleep since yesterday afternoon so think I could lay down for awhile and then feel more like tackling the work. Or I could continue to trudge through now and wake up to a clean house. It is a hard decision but I will probably sleep first simply because when I’m tired I’m more prone to do something that would hurt my back or hand. I get frustrated easily and end up doing something stupid.

Case in point, my lower back aches right now because I couldn’t get something heavy to slide across the carpet so I picked it up without bending my legs. Bad idea but I was frustrated as hell and cussing the box out certainly wasn’t getting it moved any faster. I know better than to do this but, as I said, I make stupid errors when I’m tired.

Right now supper is in the oven. I haven’t eaten all day so am starving but the casserole has to cook so will have to wait. I don’t like being home without my dogs – it is very lonely.

I had a message from the prosecutor on my phone when I got home. I need to call her so she can tell me when we need to meet tomorrow to go over my testimony. In her message she said 6pm or so – not sure how I will be getting to her office, probably a cab.

I need to figure out what I’m going to pack my stuff in – not really sure at the moment. Probably my duffle bag though that means my skirt and blouse might be a little wrinkled when I get there. I have a garment bag but it is big and bulky to be carried on.

Anyway, that is all I can think of to write right now. I’m getting more stressed as the hours tick down but I’m sure it will go just fine. The prosecutor sounds really nice and I’m sure she will make me feel at ease when I meet her.

Sleepytime

I am so very, very tired.  Didn’t get to bed till a little after 10am this morning and then was woke up twice between noon and three pm.  Tried to go back to sleep but there was no way so I got up.  I think I may have gotten three to four hours tops.  I’m sitting here struggling to keep my eyes open.  I hope the person who is suppose to relieve me at 3am doesn’t forget – I really want to go home and go to bed.

I did buy a 5 hour energy drink but am reluctant to take it because it upsets my stomach.  It becomes a toss up on whether I want to remain this tired and try to do my job or do I want to do my job with an upset stomach. 

Guess I best take it because I almost nodded off trying to think of what else to write about.  LOL

Wowsa…

I just spent two hours trying to decide on a theme for my blog.  I tried several different ones before I settled on this one for now.  I liked the other one but I wanted a change.  This is what happens when I’m tired and would rather play than write anything. 

It is raining out – makes me happy.  I am close to going home for the night – yippee.  I have been so very stressed tonight.  It didn’t help that my sleep earlier today was plagued with nightmares that I kept waking up from.  Hate that.

In one nightmare I was being chased through a warehouse by something or someone I couldn’t quite see but knew was going to harm me.  I woke up when, in the dream, I fell down some metal stairs you might see in an industrial warehouse.

There were a couple others – one involved alien cockroaches that were huge and another involved a crisis at work.  I know they are all products of stress over next week and problems in my life right now.

Brooding

I have a headache.  I know – such is life.

Went today to Barnes and Noble to buy a journal – ended up getting the same one I bought for my friend Holly in Florida.    On the front it says “Inspire, Dream, Hope, Believe, Imagine, Create” which I think will stimulate my mind, heart and creativity.  I also stopped at Walmart for a few things including a new purse exactly like my old one which broke yesterday.  I like the new one as well though it doesn’t have the design the other one had.  I could have gotten that one again but there was a pretty solid brown one so decided I wanted that – I love brown.

Well, anyway.  I have been having a creepy day.

My son said I was the only person he knew who looked a gift horse in the mouth- he was speaking about my upcoming trip to Florida.  I have been informed that a subpoena sent to me for the trial that starts the 24th.  I will only be in Florida overnight.  He thinks I ought to ask them to give me a flight a few days out so I can spend some time down there rather than fly right back.  I told him I don’t have the money for hotels, cabs, etc., to stay extra days.  My best friend has cancer so is unable to be my chauffeurand I will not put her out by asking to stay with her.

I am also afraid that the I will get down there and miss it so much I will want to move back.  I live somewhat in denial – it is a nice place to live when I can get away with it.  I really don’t want to move back to Florida but I would love to go sit on a beach for awhile.  I have to say, I do miss it in many ways.  I love Florida and could see myself living there again but only if my son lived there as well – since that is never going to happen, I don’t have much to worry about.

I’ve had many things to think about tonight – many things I am going to have to come to terms with.  Not sure I’ll be able to do it much though now because I have been consuming margaritas.  OK, I’ve only had two but I do plan on having at least one more.

I watched two boring movies – “Bog Creatures” and “The Haunting of Marsten Manor” or something like that.  Right now I’m watching Pink Panther Two while simultaneouslylistening to my stereo.  Don’t know which I want to do so guess I’ll do both for awhile.