Suicides

There has been a high rate of suicides this past week – more than nine that I’ve counted so far.  I don’t understand why there is a rise in the numbers – is it because we are getting closer to the holidays? Does winter play a factor in this or is it the economy?

How bad would things have to get to make throwing yourself in front of a vehicle moving at a high rate of speed seem like a good alternative to living? I look at the bodies and can’t fathom being that much at the end of my rope.

Sure I get depressed sometimes and things seem out of hand once and awhile – but suicide? It really is out of the question for me because there is always hope of a better tomorrow.  There is always that off chance that things will be brighter and life will be filled with joy.  If we don’t look at it that way – if we see only the dismal abyss of despair, then everything seems more overwhelming.  If there is no hope, no dream, then why are we here?

Maybe they can’t take the encroachment of society into their daily lives.  I know that we all feel that heavy burden now and then of being social when we would prefer being left alone.  We have all had our space invaded and wanted to hide away from the maddening crowds.  If given the opportunity, I think I would do just fine if I lived out on a deserted island by myself – have my own little oasis.  But we live in a society where we neatly stack each person on top of everyone else in our high rises and super condos.  Who cares if there is no yard to play in or grass to eat?

Or maybe the deaths aren’t suicides at all but youngsters playing chicken with high speed motorcars.  Let me forewarn you, the cars win every time.  I know we so often don’t think about the consequences of our actions – as I always say – you may be lucky enough to win at each game but have you stopped to consider that you might also lose? Do you consider that racing a car across the road – or a train over the railroad tracks – could wind up costing you your very life?  What price are we willing to pay to “win?”

Well, my dear little woodland friends, I hope you all rest in peace.  Please reconsider before throwing yourself in front of a car – it really isn’t worth it.  Life goes on and there are already too many orphaned young.  So Mr Raccoon, Mr Squirrel and Mr Deer – take care and be safe. 

Dusty Dirt

While I was waiting for the staff to return to the doctor’s office today, I decided to go wash my car.  There was a thin layer of dust on it which makes it appear dull in color instead of shiny.  I spent the money, washed the car and went back to my apt.  Later I drove the car into town for another apt and then drove it home.  As I was getting out of my car I noticed that there is, already, a thin layer of dust on my car.  How did it get so dusty so quickly when earlier in the day it was so spiffy?

Where is all this dust coming from? We don’t have any major construction going on in the area so why is there so much of it in the air?  But not only that, if this dust is getting on everything it touches how much of it are we breathing in with each breath? No wonder people have hacking coughs around here – it is all this dust they are breathing in.  It certainly can’t be good for the lungs can it?  No wonder my dogs are coughing when they come indoors and my nose is always clogged.  Yes, some of it is allergies but one of the things I’m allergic to is dust.

We talk about clean air standards and make the industry keep their emissions to a minimum but how can we filter out this awful dust?  It almost makes me want to wear a surgical mask when I go outdoors.  Fortunately, I don’t want people to think I’m an eccentric freak more than I want clean air.

I think it is time for a nap – I’m very tired.  Hopefully I won’t lay in one position long enough to get as layered in dust as my car.

Off to Work I go, Hi Ho, Hi Ho

Well, it is that time again – off to work for my first 12 hour shift.  I can’t say I mind it – I didn’t have anything to do at home anyway.

Took the dogs for a short walk.  Two grown people on bicycles were on the sidewalk and started harassing me for walking the dogs on the sidewalk.  The woman called me an “old crazy bitch” to which I responded she was a “stupid ass dumb fuck” who should be on the street not on the sidewalk.  The street out here is not a busy street and it is extra wide to accommodate bicyclists.  There was no reason for them to be on the sidewalk.  Children, yes but not full grown adults in long distance riding gear.  I wouldn’t have said a thing if she hadn’t started it. 

Oh…such intelligent conversations we are capable of.  Well, anyway, people drive me nuts sometimes. 

I am expecting tonight to be very busy as I have heard from coworkers that it has been that way every night since students got back.  Tonight is a big drinking night so imagine it will be even worse.  I’ll probably take the officers and let my coworker have the guards simply because she has had the officers the last three nights I’m sure.

I guess I best get going – I want to stop for soup on my way as I haven’t eaten today yet and am quite hungry now.

Carrabba’s Bar and Grill

I was pleasantly surprised to find Carrabba’s had a restaurant in the airport.  This is the favored Italian restaurant Holly and I would go to in Sarasota.  Their food is quite excellent. 

I was seated in the outer seating area so I could people watch while I waited for my food.  I ordered the Messaluna – a half-moon shaped raviolis stuffed with chicken and cheese.  Of course to start off is the hot bread with olive oil – hmmmm.  

Across the little hallway from me is an elderly Italian man who seems to have taken exception to something about me.  I’m not sure if it had to do with my tshirt and shorts, my lack of ordering wine to go with such a great meal, maybe it was my moaning at that first exquisite bite or maybe I wasn’t holding my bread right as I dipped it.  Whatever the case, he kept talking to his son in his native tongue but gesturing towards me.  I heard him say, in English so made me believe it was said for my benefit, that we Americans don’t know how to enjoy fine cuisine.  I thought he was nuts because I was enjoying mine quite a lot.

I watched people go by when I could ignore this man.  It is so funny to see how different people dress to fly on a plane.  Some are dressed to the nines in little mini-skirts and big floppy hats with a big bow around the band and others, like myself, are dressed in tshirts and shorts.  I saw several cowboys wearing their tight jeans, big ten gallon hats, and, of course, their cowboy boots walking around – no idea where they were going in that getup.

I saw a woman who had to be in her 70’s wearing a polka dot dress that was too short.  She had polka dot earrings, polka dot shoes, polka dot hat and probably polka dot underwear though thankfully she didn’t bend over for me to find out.  The outfit was hideous because the polka dots were in different colors depending on which article you looked at and the big polka dot bow on the hat made her head look enormous.  Her husband was in a tshirt and jeans. 

The thing I noticed the most about her though was her hooker boobs that had to be triple D’s or something.  At that moment I understood why my son claims it should be a law that as women get older, they have to downsize their boobs.  It looked comical yet in a sad sort of way.

I bought an ice tea at a little shop before going through security to get to the outer terminal building.  Once there I had to go through more security.  I was told that I couldn’t bring in my new bottle of ice tea so they took it away from me and I had to buy another on that side.  Why the security guy, who saw it in my hands, didn’t tell me I couldn’t take it to the other side is beyond me. 

I went to my gate and sat down to wait for my flight – I still had two hours to go and would have loved to sleep but there wasn’t anywhere to do so.  Instead I wrote in my journal and people watched until it was time to board the plane.  My first seat was going to be a window seat so I made sure I went to the bathroom before I boarded - didn’t want to make whoever I sat next to get up so I could use the tiny bathroom on the plane.

As we took off, I settled back using my jacket as a pillow and tried to doze as much as possible.  I took some awesome pictures of the clouds but otherwise ignored everything that went around me.

I’m an idiot

Last week I was cleaning up around the house and noticed the headphones for my cell phone on the desk.  They have a special jack that goes to the phone – regular headphones than plug into this cord so I can use my phone as an MP3 player.  I would have to order a new one if this one ever got lost.

I remembered thinking I needed to put the cords somewhere “safe” so I wouldn’t lose them – I remembered having them in my hand.  Well for the last three days I have searched the house numerous times without finding the cords.  I’d torn apart the car in a frenzy to find where I happened to think the safe place was last week. 

I want to use the headphones on my trip during layovers and what not.  I’d torn apart the stuff in the desk and the 3 drawer stand next to the desk in an attempt to find these unique headphones.  Nothing.  I couldn’t find them anywhere.

I just finished tearing apart the house and car once again and still nothing.  I don’t know why I do this – tuck stuff away in a place I normally wouldn’t and then forgetting about it.  Now, when I do that with money, it is a pleasant surprise when I do find it again but with something I use daily…well, it’s a mess.

As I gave up and sat down to start this post, I glanced over at my stuffed bear, Bernie, who is sitting on the desk.  He is there for inspiration and to run things by when I’m writing stories.  He has been with me for a long time and, as I’ve mentioned before, he has a squishy butt that makes an awesome desk top stress reliever.

Anyway, what was sitting in Bernie’s lap but my headphone cords neatly wrapped in a tight ball.  I don’t remember wrapping them like that but I must have and then gave it to him for safe keeping.  Don’t I feel like an idiot. 

What a dud of a night

I thought folks might find the humor in how my night went after I left work at 3am this morning.

 

First, I get up to my car and find my back tire is flat.  That’s ok, I know how to change a tire.  So I dig around in the trunk to find my jack and other assortment of tools along with my temporary tire.  Now I have never had to change the tire on this car so I admit I’m a bit rusty (could do my old car in 10 minutes flat).  The jack was stuck but after a bit of aggravation and a few swear words for good measure, I finally got it out.

 

So then I have to crawl around on all fours looking for the proper place for the jack.  It didn’t take long to find the right spot but wait…how does one work this damn jack anyway?  It has two long tire irons but neither fits into the little hole of the jack but they do fit together. After a few mistakes I think I have it halfway figured out…I mean, I’m not stupid. 

 

Before one starts lifting the flat tire, they are to loosen the lug-nuts first.  I’m standing there trying to remove my hub cap and it isn’t coming off at all.  Duh, it was screwed on along with the nuts which, amazingly enough, wouldn’t come loose.  I tried many things and it wouldn’t work so I briefly considered calling a kind officer to give me a hand.  However, unwilling to admit defeat or be classified as one of those helpless females, I did the old standby – I stood on the tire iron to loosen the nuts.  I only almost lost my balance once which I thought was quite a feat…who knew I was such a ballerina?

 

Finally got the car jacked up, the nuts all the way off and took off the flat tire.  I struggled with the temporary donut because it was hard to make the nuts match up with the holes but Hooray! I finally got it.  I put the nuts back on, tightened them and lowered the car.  Once the car was down, I re-tightened the nuts to make sure they were nice and snug – just as I had been taught to do when I was eight years old.  To my horror, the temp tire was practically flat itself – I knew it wouldn’t make it home without some air so I drove very slowly to the K&G and put air in it AND the flat tire just in case the temp tire gave out enroute home.

 

Whew, I was starting to feel a little bit better and had only used up a half hour of time since getting off work – not bad, I gloated.  Started limping home going very slowly when on the Coralville Strip who decides to stop me but a nice Coralville officer who noticed I didn’t have a front license plate.  When he got to the window he recognized my uniform and asked for my ID – said he would just give me a warning.  I told him the kind of day I was having he should just give me a ticket – he laughed when I explained about the tire (no doubt he wondered about the dirt streaks on my face from rubbing my filthy hands across my sweaty forehead) and told me to just go on home.

 

I have been stopped by Highway Patrol, Johnson County and now Coralville regarding this plate so just have DPS and Iowa City left to give me warnings for it.  I really must get it attached.  I left the officer and drove home trying to figure out when I would have time tomorrow to get my tire in to be fixed.  I was in a halfway decent mood by the time I pulled into our parking lot only to find a big dumb ass truck parked in my spot.  I wanted to unload the stuff that had been in my trunk so it would be nice and spiffy when I take it to Linder Tire in the morning but there is no way in hell I’m lugging stuff across the parking lot when my spot is right in front of my apartment.

 

Incensed over the lack of neighborly love displayed by my new neighbors, I wrote a nice note and stuck it on the windshield.  I imagine they will see it in a couple of hours.  I didn’t call them names or tell them how stupid they are for parking in a parking spot numbered for my apartment when there are visitor spots not three spaces down.  I simply told them there was a reason our spots were numbered and next time they should park in a visitor’s spot or risk being towed.  I had to stop my hand from writing the expletives I was voicing the whole time.

 

So now I’m home.  I walked the dogs – it is almost 5am – my back aches from changing the tire (hmmm, maybe it is a slipped disc), and my mood has gone south for the summer.  Hope you got a good laugh out of it anyway.    

Out on the Town

Went out with friends last night for a few drinks.  We get together every month or two or three – depending on what our schedules allow.  We started at 5pm and were kicked out of the restaurant a little after 10pm.  While we considered going to one of their houses to hang out some more, we decided it was late enough that we should probably go home.

One thing that made me laugh was that work called in the midst of it all wanting to know if I would come into work at 11pm.  I didn’t answer the phone but it made me laugh because we had just guessed a little while earlier that one of our coworkers would be calling in sick last night.  She originally made a flub up about calling in sick Tuesday night so she didn’t but called in Wednesday night instead.  She knew she would be in trouble if she called in Tuesday night after saying Monday night that she might.

Anyway, we had a great time – none of us went into work because we had been drinking.  I don’t know who they got to cover for it.  I suppose they would have tried to mandatory me in if they had gotten ahold of me until I would have mentioned the drinking.  They can’t mandatory us if we’ve been drinking any time that day.

It really was a great time – I laugh so hard when I’m with them, it is so refreshing!

Issues

This has been a day of uncommon issues for me.  First off, I got up way too damn early but I wanted to get some things done before work & figured it would be better to do them in the morning than afternoon.  That was probably my first mistake.

I walked the dogs while trying to talk to my friend Deb who is experiencing a lot of problems with one of her daughters.  The dogs, like little children when their parents are on the phone, misbehaved worse than ever before & had me tangled so badly at one point I nearly fell over.  Bennie got his leash all tangled so as I’m untangling it he takes off running & hits the end which jerked me hard but what was worse is that my fingers were entwined in the mess so they were hurt.  I wasn’t happy.

Got home and wanted to do laundry but there is another person in there using the washer.  I took my first load over anyway so that I could have it next.  Well, I only planned on doing my regular clothes today because I know people who work during the week want to use the machines on the weekend.  Normally I do laundry on Thursdays or Fridays.  But because I was only doing my regular clothes, I had to stick my bra in with the load.

I’m not one who ever likes being outside without a bra on.  I think it is obscene and hated it when my neighbor in Florida did it.  But I only have one bra other than an exercise bra which also happened to be in the laundry.  I figured I wouldn’t run into anyone so it would be ok.  Wrong.

I get into the laundry area and who is in there but the maintenance man.  I try to be pleasant but am so self-conscious about not wearing a bra that I can’t be.  He wants to stand there shooting the breeze and all the time I’m trying not to go screaming from the room.  I know he noticed and I was so terribly embarrassed.  He left the room, I thought for good, so I dug out my exercise bra, which stinks to high heaven, to put on to walk back.  I was just raising my shirt when he walked back into the room.  So there I am, holding my exercise bra & having my shirt halfway up.  Talk about mortified! I wanted to sink into the concrete.

So I pull my shirt down & high-tail it into the restroom to put the stinky, gross exercise bra on.  I come out of the building and he is sitting there drinking coffee.  I wanted to explain but how could I? I was way too embarrassed and wasn’t going to talk about being braless to a man I barely know.  Our maintenance man is in his late sixties so it isn’t like he was a young guy I was trying to impress.  He was probably just as embarrassed as I was.

Anyway, I am wearing the stinky, gross exercise bra that smells so bad my nose is curdiling because I have to go back over there to switch my clothes to the dryer & he is still over there working.  Then I’ll have to go over to pick the clothes up as well.  Ugh. 

I’ve got a horrible headache which I know is because I haven’t eaten yet but nothing sounds good either.  I am hoping tonight is a quiet night but am not sure it will be.  I am bummed because, apparently, I somehow threw out disc 3 of my fifth season of Columbo and another movie (yet to be determined) that was also in the case. 

This is just going to be one of those days, I can tell.

Lights Out

In the wee hours of the morning – between midnight and the witching hour – I was privileged to be given the opportunity to experience “roughing it” first hand as if I were in a cabin far from civilization.  At approximately 1:30 am the power went off to over half of North Liberty.  Yes, most people would be in bed but not me. 

It is amazing how quickly one misses electricity.  I don’t think missing it would be so pronounced if I had something more to see by than dim candlelight.  I do have a small flashlight but don’t want to use the battery up when candles are available.

Humorously, I find myself flipping light switches as I go from room to room.  The dogs, realizing something is abnormal, are pacing back and forth trying to get a handle on what is going on.  An ambulance just arrived – imagine someone is struggling without their oxygen machine.  It’s going to be busy for a bit in NL’s 911 center – I’m sure there are a lot of people who find electricity medically necessary.

The first electricity consuming apparatus I missed was my fans.  There is no airflow in this apartment so it got stifling very quickly.  Took the dogs out for a walk using the flashlight – it is surprising how dark outside is when someone shuts off all the lights out there.  What was awesome, though, were the number of stars that seemed in better focus and to twinkle more.  What wasn’t so awesome is how many bugs my flashlight drew since it was the only light out there.

Several of my neighbors are out wandering around – it is much cooler out there, that is for sure.  I don’t feel like being social though or repeating over and over what my opinion is about the blackout as more people join the little group.  I really didn’t think it would last this long – it has been almost an hour.

Ah…they just came back on – thank goodness. 

I must admit I was terribly wrong about one thing earlier this week when my son and I picked out my new cell phone.  The phone has an FM radio in it – I asked my son why in the world a phone would need that.  Tonight I admit my ignorance and am thankful I had the radio working when nothing else did. 

PS – I didn’t write too badly by candlelight – I wrote bigger than I normally would when I can see the lines on the paper but not too bad considering how dark it was. 

So Nice

It is so nice to know the weekend is here and I don’t have to go to work. I really like that a lot. I officially have till a week from Sunday off but man, the time is flying by as always.

Today I took the a/c filter out and washed it, washed window sills, washed floors, took the dogs on a long walk and let them play in the creek which was out of it’s banks due to the heavy rain we had, went into town to mailed my friends card and gifts…they wanted $40 to guarantee it would be there tomorrow but only $14 to make sure it got there on Monday so, of course, you know which one I chose. Dropped books off at the library and then came back home.

This evening I have been playing Bejeweled Blitz because one of my friends got a higher score so had to work on that – it took a bit but eventually I got a score so high I know none of them can break it. Went outside and re-potted several plants and started the yucky job of clearing the flower bed of weeds. I should have stayed on top of it this spring but I hadn’t decided whether I was staying here another year or not.

I have a lot of great rocks in the bed but they have sunk down into the dirt so need to pull all of them out to relay them. It would be oh so helpful if I had my garden tools from Florida. I planted one plant in the ground and ended up having to dig the hole with a tablespoon. Now I need some weed killer and a little rake.

I’m back inside and it is 8:30 pm. I hurt my right arm something awful so it is aching from the shoulder down into my wrist. Never try to lift a heavy pot one handed when the dogs are underfoot, it leads to bad things.

My neighbor showed me a little bit of how to get the window out to wash it so that is a project for my vacation sometime. It is going to be heavy but can’t be any heavier than the one in Florida that was double paned and hurricane resistant.

The a/c works so much better now that the filter is clean. I need to get my car in for an oil change…don’t know why that just came to mind except that I mentioned filters. It has been way too long since I’ve had it changed – I feel so ashamed.

Tomorrow I’m going to finish laundry and work more on trying to get all the dog hair out of the house. It is amazing how it gets into every nook and cranny. It is going to be a job but oh well – my house needs a good spring cleaning.

Guess that is about it. Haven’t heard from anyone since my sister wrote me this morning early. I don’t know what is up with that unless her computer (or mine) isn’t working right again. I need to add more RAM to my computer.

Well, all and all, it was a good day. Also on my list for tomorrow is to clean out my car. I’m going to see if the maintenance man has a long extension cord I can use – if not then I will have to go buy one so I can shampoo my car. I also need to get the front license plate on and the tint off the front two windows. I so totally forgot to ask my doctor for an excuse when I was there the other day.

Am going to look up to see if there are any home remedies for weed killer before I go to the store to buy some. No point buying more chemicals if I don’t have to. I sure hope the flower bed looks good when I am done. I won’t be able to finish it till next month but have a pretty good start on it now.

By the way, it stormed here quite a bit this morning with some dreadfully hard rains…I loved it, of course, because I love storms/rain…but then it cleared off and got damn hot. It was up in the 80’s which made everything kind of steamy. If one could stay in the breezy shade of the trees, it was beautiful out but working in that sun left a lot to be desired. Wonder how Maine is doing. LOL