Well, the storm has hit and it is crappy outside.  I’m not happy about it but this is what happens when we live in the Arctic states rather than the equator ones.  I’m suppose to get out in about an hour to meet someone for some artwork, then go pick up my son to run him around some before dropping him off at his girlfriends house.

I’m also suppose to pick my furlough days from work – have to take five.  Not sure if I should take them all at once or over a two month period.  The latter would be best for dispatch since our coworker is still out sick and will be for quite some time.  Arg.  I am not complaining about having to take them – there are a lot of people out of work so if I’m required to take five days without pay, so be it.  My problem is figuring out when to schedule them so there is the least amount of impact on work.

Yesterday my cousin told me my last remaining Uncle has only a few months to live.  It is sad to find out something like that – my heart goes out to them.  It puts life into perspective, doesn’t it?

I was thinking about this and myself.  I’ve never been one to accumulate money.  If I see it sitting in the bank I wonder what good things I could do with it rather than letting it sit there.  I know it would drive most people insane not to have a nest egg but it doesn’t bother me.  To me, life is short.  We are here today and gone tomorrow – really just mere seconds if you figure the time between when the Earth was born until its eventual death.  So I am going to pursue every avenue of pleasure, happiness, love, caring, giving, that is available to me during my few seconds. 

Some people save up an empire for their children – I say that is what life insurance is for.  My son will be comfortable when I die at the rate of insurance I have on myself right now.  I don’t want to go to the great thereafter without having experienced life to its fullest.  I have a “bucket list” of things I want to accomplish before I become no more. 

My Uncle can say he has lived a good life.  He has done many things and raised five wonderful children.  He has a loving wife who has loved him for 53 years I think is where they are up to now.  He made an honest living during his working days.  His integrity, ethics, and wisdom has inspired many.  I hope whatever time he has remaining on Earth is spent enjoying the fruits of his labors.

Bummer, the one chick who seemed to have a level head on her shoulders just got eaten by Jaw’s twin Chops.  Guess that is only par for the course as it is always the level headed, not so cute girl, who gets ate up, butchered, or diced.  Can’t have someone who is too adorable know how to do anything but sit and whine for some masculine (ok, not in this movie) chump to come along and rescue them.  Unfortunately, the rescuer usually gets eaten – a small sacrifice on the throne of the more glamorous female.  Ah well, I’m not going to get into a diatribe of all that…we know my thoughts on the subject from previous posts. 

Went to visit my invalid friend who broke her ankles with her ladder.  She is in good spirits – probably much better than I would be in that situation.  She laughs at all the little immodesty she has had to endure as others help her go to the bathroom, walk and bathe.  She hopes to get a laptop in the next couple of days so then can at least get online to correspond and what not.

Had soup and coffee with my son – that was nice.  We had a good conversation talking about relationships and how difficult they can be.  Each time you put yourself out there, you bravely admit that you need others in your life – that you are willing to take a chance as friends or lovers.   So many of my friends are breaking up – some have been married for over 10 years only to find themselves being cast aside for younger models…not just women either.  It makes me quite happy to be single. 

Ah…Chops joins his brother in the big ocean in the sky…such a shame.  Why do the Jaws movies have to pick on Great Whites? They are such beautiful, majestic creatures. 

So my list for next year has begun.  So far, other than joining the gym, is scuba diving, moving, driving vacation, Utah in the spring, a visit to my niece in WI, and possibly learning belly dancing.  I’m actually hoping to get into kick boxing as well.  Might add to that list bungee jumping or rock climbing…not sure yet.  I’m not as young as I use to be…not sure I want to dangle on a rubberband or get rope burn.  I want to go to the Bahamas or Jamaica this year or early next (2011).  Guess we shall see what gets added or subtracted before the list is concrete on New Year’s Day. 

Going to let the dogs out for a bit – they are bothering me.

I really haven’t been able to come up with something to write today – I’ve been trying for 6 hours now.  My brain is convoluted with thoughts, fantasies, and anxiety.

Most of the day I’ve been thinking about Laureen and what a nightmare this accident is for her.  I picture her with two broken ankles pulling herself from her yard into her house in 28 degree weather to call 911.  From what the IC dispatchers said, she was still in possession of her sense of humor despite the pain.  Laureen is a great person – she doesn’t deserve this.  I can think of several individuals I would rather see in that hospital bed.

For about a month now I have been brimming with Christmas spirit.  Very little has gotten me down and I’ve had a pretty optimistic outlook on life.   I can’t say that I’ve totally lost zeal for it but it has waned a little.  Probably the impending storm causing that.  I dread winter driving but I also dread the idea that this storm, if it gets as bad as it could, might mean I’m stranded in town until Thursday once I get to work tomorrow.  I may even have to come in early tomorrow if the weather starts getting bad through the night.

Last year I came in early twice because the snow and wind were getting bad too bad to risk being late for work.  Both times I had a 12 hour shift and no way would risk having to call someone in for me in that weather.  If I can’t get in, I don’t want someone else trying to and have an accident…better to muscle down and come in even if I can only drive 5 mph.

The dogs want me to take them out for a walk – I don’t feel like it.  I know I have to later but I’m not in any rush to go out there in the cold.  Soon, but not yet.  I knew it was only a matter of time before Baxter realized he could pull down the barricade to the bedroom to get to the cat – he knocked it all over tonight to get in there but Isabel was ready for him.  I worry about his big bulgey eyes – that she’ll scratch him and he’ll lose an eye or two.  I don’t know.

Right now I’ve had a nice Pina Colada - some ravioli with Alfredo sauce – and have been watching Closer though I missed the first half hour.  I don’t know why I can’t get it in my head that it is on at 8PM here instead of 9pm like it was in Florida.  I turned on the TV at 8:30 thinking I’d check the channel to make sure it was on only to find it was already half over.  Ugh.  With Monk ending, Closer is about all I like to watch these days…Psych if it is on but it doesn’t seem like it is running much anymore.

Have a bad headache – not sure what caused it unless it is from being hatless today at the dog park.  I have new contacts in so it shouldn’t be that.  Really don’t know but it hurts behind my eyeballs – usually an indication of a migraine however the other symptoms are missing so think maybe it is allergies.  Keep going into coughing fits too…coughing not sneezing.

Every time I go into a coughing fit, Bennie jumps.  He is sacked out beside me still recovering from our adventures today.  It was funny that both dogs ran to the gate to go home before I was even halfway there – I think they were exhausted after being there for an hour yesterday and two hours today. 

I stopped at Stuff this morning but the fish tank and stand were gone – figured they would be. I really don’t have room for a fish tank anyway I suppose.  Bought more blue lights and some blue/silver garland for the tree so will get to that tomorrow sometime.  Need to do laundry tomorrow too and maybe move some furniture around.  I imagine my son will bring the table to me tomorrow because it is sitting in his girlfriends car.

I bought “It’s a Wonderful Life” but can’t find it anywhere.  I took it to my sister’s on Thanksgiving but didn’t take it out of the car I don’t think but can’t find it in the car anywhere either. 

Something is different in my brain today – I’m not sure why.  I know that sounds ominous but it isn’t.

It is very strange really.  I was listening to Bob Marley, thinking about life, and started thinking about maybe it was time to get into shape and consider dating again.  Usually that takes way more years than this.

My last boyfriend and I broke up on Fourth of July in 2004.  That is a mere five years ago.  Normally it is six to nine years between boyfriends – no reason to rush into something else, ya know?

It isn’t that it takes me that long to get over the person – god knows I’m usually well over them before we finally breakup.  It takes me that long to even consider going through the rituals of dating again.  Dating takes so much out of me…yes, I’m strange.  I have to spend time compromising, thinking of someone elses feelings on a more intimate level, giving up my personal time to spend time with someone else…etc…it is exhausting. 

So now that I’m thinking about dating again – it will take me about a year to actually get to the point of meeting someone.  I will have to work at getting back into shape, getting some stuff I need to do first out of the way, and getting myself in the correct mindset.  It is almost like taking on another job.

I don’t have any expectations of marriage or anything remotely like that.  I know I have a lot of porcupine needles for someone to deal with and I’m also not big on long-term committments…I’ve never met anyone who changed my mind about that either.

But it is strange to be thinking this way again after so many years of not.  Really am not going to rush anything – it is just a miniscule spark of a thought in a sea of thoughts.

It is almost midnight – way past my bedtime.  I have to be up in 5.5 hours to go work a hellish 12 hour shift.  I don’t look forward to it at all.  Sunday I work another 12 with just my trainee – that will be very interesting.  I wonder if she works tomorrow too? We will have to have her step meeting tomorrow instead of Sunday since I found out my cohort is taking Sunday off.

I don’t know who will take my trainee on the days I’ve requested off – I know it is bad of me to take time off when I have a trainee but it is necessary.  Ugh.  I have such a headache.

Have been writing but am still almost 10,000 words behind.  I have felt like writing tonight but I have to go to bed now so I can’t keep going.  I’m going to take my laptop to work tomorrow just in case we get a quiet moment so I can write.  Plus I will get off at 7pm so maybe I’ll go get soup at Panera and work on my story there.

My younger sister invited my son and myself to her house for Thanksgiving as we didn’t have any major plans.  Plus she has a table for me so I want to pick it up.  I so can’t wait until my apartment is in order.  I really could use some nice art but oh well.  Still, her giving me that table and two chairs leaves me with just a dresser and headboard left to get.  I also want a library table but that will wait till Spring since I need the space right now for other things.  I’m going to get everything all situated right in time to move elsewhere.  Oh what joy.

That is why my coworker is taking off Sunday – they have someone subletting their apartment so they have to be out by Tuesday and they don’t have a new apartment yet so they are scrambling.  I’m sure they will find something by then.  How awful to have to rush so much to get moved though.  I hope I have at least a couple weeks when I decide to move.

Well, anyway, I need to go to bed.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I am quite tired, weary and blurry-eyed.  I haven’t eaten yet – my wonderful pasta got dumped on the floor so the dogs enjoyed that.  I have to decide what I’m going to make now but am almost too tired to care.  I ran to Walmart for a few things on my way home – am just so totally exhausted.  Really need to work on my story too.  Decided I would stay up till midnight and write.

My neighbors are outside making all kinds of noise and someone’s dog is barking unceasingly – drives me nuts.  I need to take mine for a walk but plan on waiting till after 10pm. 

Today was a busy day.  It started out slow for about the first hour – I had time to dust the whole office – but then it got busy and didn’t stop for the rest of the afternoon.  I had a good time and was in a pleasant mood until 3pm when I realized Laureen wasn’t coming to work.  That rather ruined my day.  I hadn’t eaten or had a break so was really looking forward to having one.

I hope Cindy doesn’t come to work tomorrow if she is sick – I don’t want to be spending my days off being ill.

The house is going to stay dirty – that is just the way it is.  I’ve got most of the work done but not all of it and it is almost 11pm – I need to go to bed since I have to be up at 5:45am to get to work by 7am.   I hope the maintenance man comes in instead of one of the owners – don’t want a landlord seeing my messy house but the maintenance guy has seen it worse than it is right now.  He had to come in when I had very little furniture so everything was sitting around on the floor and I was using boxes for everything. 

The carpet really needs shampoo.  I was looking at a Bissell steam cleaner – they are around $100 and say they work really well.  It is either that or pay a company $80 to do it.

Bennie is learning the idea of fetch.  Baxter won’t play with him so he keeps bringing me a sock to throw for him. 

Anyway, the dogs want walked but I don’t feel like walking them.  I’m so tired and I have to walk them at 5:45 so don’t see why I should walk them now.  Of course they don’t see it that way.  Baxter is sitting here staring at me.  LOL

Rather than do laundry today, I bought new underwear and a bra…that way laundry can wait till Wednesday.  LOL  I needed both anyway but am delighted I don’t have to hurry to get it done.  Man, I’m tired. 

I don’t know if I’m having trouble writing on my story because I am tired, because I am stuck or because my passion for the subject is waning.  I believe it is the first one because I am still passionate about the story and while I do feel a bit stuck, not so much as to quite writing.

Tonight I’ve been typing with the screen as dim as possible and with my right eye closed.  No, it isn’t some hinky talisman to help the words flow.  I scraped my right eye last night while trying to get my contact out – there must have been a speck of dirt or a hair in there because I dragged it across the eyeball.  My eye looks bloodshot red with a lump beside the iris.  It feels best when the eye is closed so I am trying to accomodate it as much as possible.

Actually, it would be cool to have a muse that I could gaze into to get fantastic writing ideas and inspiration.  Wish I could have something simple like…a grapefruit…that every time I saw it, I wanted to write 2,000 words or more.  LOL.  If so, I would have pictures and bushels of grapefruit everywhere.

Oh my goodness, it is almost 4 am and I have to be to Walmart at 9:30 for the oil change in my car.  I best sign off and get a few hours of sleep.  Hopefully the nightmare I had earlier won’t revisit me now.

Here at City park there is no internet signal so that is a bit of a bummer. I’m told that as soon as I get internet access on my cell phone, I can use the signal to get on my laptop too but I don’t really care one way or another. There are enough places around that have free wi-fi that I can go to if I want.

The ducks are gone from City park, where they went to, I don’t know. Do ducks migrate south? Usually the river is full of them but not now. Maybe the current is too fast for them – it is passing by me at a fairly fast clip towards the roller dam half a mile downstream. Do the fish go over the dam? I don’t know.

The river is swollen within it’s banks from all the rain the state has had. Normally this is the low level time of the year but we’ve had some unseasonable rains lately. I don’t mind as long as it is rain and not snow.

Fall was a bit disappointing this year because of the cold snap we had. The reds and yellows were brilliant but not every tree went through this transformation – some just dropped their leaves with no fanfare at all. Now most everything is turning brown, another signal that winter is around the corner. I need to get my car winterized and get some boots for this year so my feet don’t freeze.

Across the expanse of water is Dubuque Street – a four lane thoroughfare from the interstate to downtown. Vehicles race down the street totally oblivious, or maybe just not mindful, of the 35 mph speed limit. It is an ongoing problem and one of those streets that officers from all agencies can make a killing on traffic stops. I must admit, it does seem like a stupid speed for that stretch of roadway but there is a huge dorm with 1000 students in it right there so traffic needs to slow for that. There is no yard for the dorm so students have to cross the four lanes if they want to get to the park provided on the other side. Also, city and university buses stop there to pick up so that slows things down as well. But no one pays attention anyway.

Iowa River is one of the dirtiest rivers in the state and has been for quite some time. Tests of the water show high level of nitrates – there have been warnings about eating anything caught in the river for as long as I can remember. However, they use to have more water activities on the river – water skiing and inner tubing – that are no longer available due to the septic water. I know people downstream have an annual float day where they take inner tubes down the water but it is not recommended and one definitely shouldn’t go if they have any cuts. I find it sad that the river is so polluted. Efforts, I believe, were made years ago to clean it up but it fell flat.

The University use to have a boathouse that we rented water equipment out of for people who wanted to canoe, paddle boat, or inner tube the river but it has long been closed. They have actually relocated way inland and rent all kinds of equipment but don’t endorse using it on the river.

Ah, two little ducks just swam by – guess they are here after all. They seemed to be having difficulty getting to the bank but finally made it and are now waddling back upstream rather than trying to swim it.

Well, it is getting late and I promised the boys I wouldn’t be gone all that long. I doubt my son will want to do anything today anyway so I might as well head for home. I need to stop at the grocery store along the way for milk and eggs. I’m kind of faltering because I didn’t get much sleep last night. Had to go into work this morning for a quick meeting otherwise I wouldn’t be in town now.