Hungry

I am hungry. It is 5am and I should be thinking about bed but I’m am hungry. I ate soup all day and could have it again but I really feel like something with more umpf. Really need to stop and get groceries – there is little in the house to eat other than soup.

Hardees was open when I left work at 3am but I couldn’t bring myself to get something there when I figured I could make something when I got home. I suppose I could make an egg sandwich. Maybe I’ll just boil a couple eggs to eat. I don’t need a meal – only enough to stop my stomach from growling so much.

Damn, I’m tired.

Vacation

I want to plan a vacation.  It seems like I should be able to go somewhere – take my son with me.  Of course I am thinking Florida since I can’t afford Hawaii.

There are a couple reasons Florida would be top on my list – I want to see my friends, Holly in particular, and the weather would be nice.  We could probably stay at a hotel not far from the beach and downtown so there would be plenty to do.  We could rent some skidos, hang out on the beach and maybe go parasailing.  We could rent a moped or something like that to get around or just take buses/cabs.

Probably won’t be able to go and honestly, Florida wouldn’t be my first choice for a vacation if I could except I want to see Holly.  I’d love to go up to Nantucket, over to Washington, down to Arizona, or north to Milwaukee.  However, I would also love to be in Florida again too and seeing Holly and friends would make it worthwhile.

I’m sitting here at work – it has been very slow tonight – wishing the days would hurry up a little so I could be done.  I’m in the mood to write but didn’t bring my laptop or writing so don’t really know what I would write.

I have a feeling the night person will call in sick either tomorrow night or Tuesday or both.  She got mandatoried to work tomorrow which pissed her off so it wouldn’t surprise me if she says she has injured her back and takes the whole week off.

We had two people quit in the past week – one dispatcher and one officer.  It is disappointing that we don’t keep people more.  However, I can understand in a lot of ways as I have often thought about how I’d love to be able to write full time.

Where did the day go?

I swear time got away from me.  I went in and had soup with my son – took him to work and came back home.  I walked the dogs, did some minor things around the house and watched a movie on TV.  Made supper around 9pm and did dishes.  From about 9:30 pm till 1:15 am, I have been on the internet…guess what I’ve been doing?

It start out as research for a writing project – I must say I really expected to get some ideas and then move on.   However, I got interested in what I was doing and ended up being at it for hours.  I’m not quite sure why.  It isn’t the first time this topic has consumed hours of my day  – it has happened many times before.

I started researching villas in the Hawaiian Islands.  I’ve decided to make my next mystery story happen in there and wanted to get an idea of what the homes were like.  After about an hour looking at them, I changed my focus to see what kind of homes were available in Iowa City and the surrounding area.  I probably looked at interior pictures of over 150 homes.  There are a lot of very cool homes on sale right now – wish I had about$$500,000 to $2,000,000 to invest because I found several houses in that price range that I would love to own.

Wow, if I could get published and make millions, I’d have my life all set.  I know what children I would like to adopt, I know what house here I would like to buy and which villa I would buy in the Hawaiian Islands.  I’d have no trouble finding a cabin in the mountains, I’m sure.  I’d spend winters in Hawaii, spring in Iowa, summer and fall in the mountains…sounds just perfect to me.    {sigh}

Anyone have an idea on how to get a literary agent or can recommend one? And I’d love to know who you hire to edit your manuscript for grammar and such.  I have my manuscript almost done and want to get it edited before I think about sending it to other people.  Not sure how or what I will do about the publishers and what not but a lot of places say they won’t take un-agented scripts. 

This is the manuscript that the last publishing company said I needed to change the ending of – so that is what I am finishing up.  Now, it was over three years ago that I sent it in so I know they have long forgotten about it but figured I’d resend it to them as well as other people.  It is such a long shot – I feel like I’m setting myself up for failure.  My writing is so much a part of who I am that it is very scary to send it out to strangers.  Heck, it took decades for me to share the one with my own family let alone others.  It terrifies me.

Oh well, not much I can do about my fears but try, try and try again.  Can’t keep letting it hold me back.  Maybe I will try for the next decade to be published and never make it but at least I would have tried.  If I’m not published by the time I’m 75 years old, then I’ll give it up. 

Aftermath

The Hawkeyes hung on to keep their undefeated status as they battled the mighty Michigan team.  I am glad they won and I’m told the game was thrilling.  We had it on in dispatch but didn’t have time to consult it more than a couple times to see the score.  First time we looked up it was 23-? in our favor.

We made over 100 arrests, the city had thousands of people downtown, there were fights, drunks, assaults, and all the good things that go between.  We were swamped the moment we sat down and didn’t quit until after 4am in the morning.

I had to walk from the Chauncey Swan lot about three or four blocks from work because there were no parking spots closer.  This morning as I walked back to my car, I was stunned by the litter that canvassed the entire downtown.  Wow, it was almost like snow.  A slight breeze fluttered some of it around but most lay limply where it was discarded hours before.  The red paver bricks were obscured by thousands, if not millions of cigarette butts – ironically it is a “smoke-free” zone.

As I wade through the debris of homecoming, I noticed the teams of cleaners coming into the area with brooms, pick sticks, and dust pans to sweep it all into the past.  It occurs to me that some of the same people from last night will be walking through the ped mall again today – will they look around in appreciation at how well the teams cleaned? In two hours, there will be nary a sign of all that happened last night.

When I get in the elevator to go up to my car on the 4th level, one of the first things I notice is a couple of used condoms.  I wonder if the people who had sex in there realized the wall was glass? Were they too drunk to notice? Who knows.  There was a streaker last night – some kid who ran through our lot 11 which happens to also house the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office.  One of our guys was going after the kid when the kid rounded a corner and ran smack into a couple of deputies.  That had to be embarrassing.  He was carrying a water bottle…guess he didn’t want to dehydrate while he ran…

As I’m driving home I find that my vision is blurry.  At one point I swore I was about to take flight because it seemed I was flying down the road but when I looked down at my speedometer it registered not even 50 mph.  I am exhausted.

It is cold outside.  I’m not happy that it is cold outside but what can I do about it? I pulled out my winter coat, found my lightweight gloves, wore some better shoes and just dealt with it.  I need to finish my scarf so I can wear it.  Took the dogs on a short walk – am still not warm.  It really feels like it could snow again – I thought today was suppose to be warmer.

Fell Asleep

I was typing more of my story into the computer and fell asleep.  Doesn’t that say a lot about the story? It is bad enough if a person falls asleep reading it but typing it in? Actually, we lost power at our complex for a little bit so I had to pause in my typing and that is when I fell asleep BUT it isn’t much of an excuse as the laptop has battery power I could have used.  My excuse is that it was too dark to see the handwritten part.

One of the medicines I’m suppose to take gives me insomnia while the other one causes drowsiness…do you think they will offset each other? The pharmacist said no and to only take the first medicine in the mornings or I’ll have to take several Tylenol PM’s to get any sleep.  Funny that the doctor prescribes something that makes me get less sleep when being tired is one of my symptoms.  LOL

I have the urge to write but not on the story I was typing in so will work on a different story for now.  The one I’m typing in has 37 more handwritten pages to go before it is all in and I can start typing directly into the computer – that is my goal, no more handwritten pages from now on but to type directly.  This will save paper which saves trees, etc.

After spending time with my son, I do have the feeling he has met the girl he will marry.  His big concern is that there is no major spark yet but he didn’t have that right away for his last girlfriend either – other than love at first sight, sparks come when someone grows on you more.  Don’t tell him I told you – he gets sensitive about these things.  The more he talks about her, the more I see him getting use to having her around.  One of these days he’ll look at her and won’t be able to remember a time when she wasn’t in his life.  He’ll also look forward and see her as the one he wants to have children with.  At least, I hope he does because this one he is dating now seems more right for him than any he has dated so far – they are the same age, want the same things, get along famously, laugh at the same jokes, etc.

Anyway, that is my hope.  He is working on getting financial aid to go back to school.  He has figured out which classes he wants to take and all that he wants to do so now comes the financial aid part.  I don’t think he will have a problem there but it does involve a lot of paperwork.  I think he would get enough to fund an entire semester with money left over for living expenses – and then he’d get such good grades that he would qualify for scholarships.

How strange – I slept about four hours and feel like I could go back to bed again.  I can’t do that though because it is 1:30 am and I’d be awake again by four or so and be up all morning then & be tired all afternoon.

Right now I’m going to get my niece’s present ready to mail tomorrow.  I can’t believe I didn’t get it mailed earlier – what a ditz.

Is Three Better Than One?

My son now has three women vying for his attention.  Two of them are past girlfriends who want another chance and one is his current girlfriend.  Much to his credit, he has told the other two that he is with his girlfriend now and won’t do things with them…not even get coffee.  They try to make it sound so generic – let’s go get coffee – but really they are trying to worm back into his life and cause his current girlfriend stress.  I’m glad he told them no. 

Oh to have such a problem! The most I’ve ever had fighting over me was two guys – never three.   I’ve had guys say “If you break up with him will you go out with me” but that isn’t fighting over someone – that is showing an interest.  Now I couldn’t get someone to show interest or fight over me if I paid them to.  However, that will change here eventually as I regain control over my life. 

Is it weird for a 46 year old not to want to date anymore? It seems like such a big hassle and I rather like being on my own.  I would love to adopt and still might pursue that someday (older children, not babies) but that is pretty much the extent of my desire for a relationship outside my current family.  My son promises me grandchildren within the next three to five years so that will be great too.

Anyway, I ate a steak earlier and feel like I have more energy now than I have had in days.  I do think my iron is off – it is the only thing that makes sense with the tiredness.  Guess we will know by Friday.  I went to the doctor today – she said I have acute bronchitis and gave me meds.  They needed to draw blood and had to stick me five times to get enough to run the tests.  They told me I was a tad bit dehydrated so I’ve been trying to drink more all day.

My son and I went to Applebee’s for lunch – it was enjoyable.  I must say, once again, that I don’t understand why salad tastes so much better in a restaurant.  Had a Caesar side salad that was quite wonderful…just don’t get it.

So Tired

I am so tired this morning.  Took the dogs out for a quick walk and ran into the maintenance man so he came on over to look at my exhaust fan.  It isn’t the switch so he will have to come back another day to change out the fan.  He knew I am tired and said it would probably take an hour or so to replace the fan so I was quite happy about him not doing it today.  I need to get to sleep.

The sun is shining today though it is only 37 degrees outside.  As I drove home I noticed the mist rising off the river as though it too protested the drop in temps.  I took a couple of pictures but of course they won’t be as vivid as seeing it first hand.  Winter is rising from its slumber to embrace the north once again whether we want it to or not.  Really, I wouldn’t have a beef with winter if it weren’t for driving on ice and snow.

A few trees are starting to change colors – in another week or two the whole area will be celebrating the season with striking oranges and fiery reds.  For every time there is a season – nature needs to rest so it can prepare itself for rebirth this coming spring. 

Panera turned on their fireplace so that made stopping in for some soup and coffee even more appealing.  I hope to stop on my way to work tonight.  I did request to be off at 11pm but will have to wait till I get there to see if it was approved or not.  I really shouldn’t take the time but I am soooo very tired. If they don’t approve it, that will be fine – I forgot one of my coworkers was off tonight already.  I emailed work and told them not to worry about it, I changed my mind.  Even though I really want tonight off, I need to work and save the time for other things.

Damn It

I planned my whole sleep schedule today around the Hawkeye football game only to find that the game doesn’t even start until 7:05pm tonight.  It is very aggravating! Now I need to figure out a new sleep schedule for the rest of the day. 

Of course, in my efforts to find the football game I came across a Criminal Intent and Closer marathons going on USA and TNT.  How am I going to be able to go back to bed now? I just don’t know. 

My neighbor keeps walking by my window – I know she is trying to get my attention so I will come out to gab with her but I don’t feel like it.  I opened my curtains this morning for the dogs to look out – it irritates me when other people look in.  I need that reflective shading on the window so they can’t see in but the dogs can see out.  Arg.

Ah, as luck would have it, Closer wasn’t a marathon but the newest one that played last Monday night so it is over now and I didn’t get to see the beginning.  So I turned over to Law and Order only to find the one starting is one I have already seen so maybe going back to bed is possible.

I really could use some game day food though – I am starving.  But, do I really want to run to the store now – prolonging when I can go back to bed? OR should I stay up till 2pm and then sleep 2-5? I know the dogs would love to go for a walk but we aren’t going out when my neighbor is out there and, besides, they had one at 3am.  Plus I let them out earlier so they could go potty so if they wait a few hours, it won’t kill them.  I’ll take them on a long walk later this evening.  My stomach is going into spasms from hunger though so guess I’ll eat something.  Since I don’t want to run to the store for now, I guess I’ll find something in the refrigerator to eat.  I don’t have any milk though so tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches is out.

Jeezus Bejeezus

What is so hard about remembering my days off? Why do people constantly ask me if I have today off or do I have tomorrow off when I have told them a hundred times I have Wed-Fri nights off. What is so freaking hard about remembering that? So damn irritating.

Every single week my neighbor asks me if I have to work tonight – every single week! I know her schedule so why is it so hard for her to remember mine? I tell her each week what I have off and she still asks me the next night if I have to work. For example, last night she asked me if I had to work – I said yes but it was my last day for this week. I get home a few minutes ago and she said “Don’t you have to work tonight?”

It is a simple case of it not being important enough for other people to remember because it doesn’t affect their life. People ask questions but then don’t even listen to the answer so then they end up asking the same questions over and over. My schedule is not that difficult to remember – I work Sat-Tues. She said to me last night “isn’t that every weekend?” and I so wanted to say something smart and cynical but I held back.

If it isn’t important enough to remember my answer, then please don’t ask me the question. I don’t ask unnecessary questions just to hear myself talk. If I ask you something it is because I am curious about the answer. If you don’t want to tell me the answer then simply say so and I won’t ask you again. If I’m not sure about the question I will say “I know you told me once but I forgot…” so it isn’t like I’m asking the same question over and over because I’m admitting I was the one who forgot but it is important enough to me to want to remember. Does that make sense?

I think my neighbor likes to hear herself talk because she talks and talks and talks about absolutely nothing. You walk away what was the point of listening to her when she had nothing to say. She gossips a lot about others and knows everyone in the complex already plus the names of their pets and some of their children/grandchildren. That is admirable that she gets to know people whereas I hardly know anyone after living here a whole year. However, she gets to know them just so she can gossip about them to others. To me, that is worse than not getting to know them at all.

I think the other folks in the complex are wising up to her tactics though because fewer and fewer stop over to chat with her. Who wants all their business out for everyone to criticize?

Anyway, went to lunch with my son. Yes, soup again. I wanted to go somewhere else but he was meeting his friend later for supper so he didn’t want to eat or be gone a long time. So we went to Panera for soup and coffee. I also ran him to Walmart for some supplies, then dropped him off at home.

On my way home I went to Hyvee for the stuff to try potato soup again…hope it turns out good this time. While sitting at a stoplight I noticed hundreds of birds along the highwires and in a tree next to the wires. I mean the birds literally covered everything with some even still flying around trying to find a perch. Just as I was remarking outloud that it reminded me of the movie “The Birds,” they all took flight as one making what appeared to be a moving black hole in the sky. The cool thing was how they flew in formation through several cool spirals and turns before settling back down on the wires. I tried to get my camera out but it wouldn’t have caught them very well anyway.

Sitting there waiting on some slow ass person who wasn’t paying attention to the light changing to green, I again wished I had a little mountain retreat to whisk away to. I need a break from so many people – want peace, quiet, and a serene view. Want to see nature up close and breathe some fresh air.

Almost 6am Already!

I really don’t know where the time goes sometimes. I got home a little after 3am and here it is almost 6am! I have been on the internet doing research – nothing too exciting but engrossing enough that the time slipped away from me. Bedtime is way overdue – my eyes hurt which is a sign that I need to be sleeping. I’m even considering sleeping in my bed for a change.

Just a month ago it would be light out by now but I can see it is still relatively dark. I hope it is a cool day today – low 70’s would be best. Should make out my “to do” list for my days off so I can be immensely productive – I will put that on my mental list to do tomorrow. Need to rearrange some furniture around as well. There was a little cheap stand out at the dumpster earlier this week – I should have grabbed it to use for my tv to sit on.

Oh well, need to get some sleep.