Great Debate

So today I kind of snapped at my Lt in front of others.  It happened right as my shift was coming to a close - I acted ungraciously when he corrected me on something.  In my defence, I have slept maybe four hours since 9pm Tuesday.  Too much going on to actually sleep.  Really, I think part of it is adjusting to this shift - I thought I was but now seem to be struggling.

Still, its no excuse.  I’m not one to be disrespective or insubordinate to supervisors.  I feel badly about it.  As I sit here at Panera, I keep thinking I should call to apologize.  Part of me, though, thinks he’d ind that weird - apologizing for a minor infraction - and I don’t want to be considered weird or strange.

The other part of me thinks I should apologize now not only for his benefit but also for my own because I’ll probably stress over it for hours, whereas if I picked up the phone now, my conscience would be clear. 

Another thought is that I’m still very exhausted which increases the likelihood that I’d flub up the apology making the whole thing more bizarre.  This Lt has been under a lot of pressure himself lately and it bothers me that I probably added to his discontentment.  Maybe I’ll send him an email….

My Darling Baxter

Earlier this month, after finding that Baxter may have impregnated Wendy’s dog, I decided to have Baxter neutered. I made an appointment for this past Wednesday and took him in.

The vet told me that one of Baxter’s testicles hadn’t descended properly so he would have to cut into his abdomin as well as where they normally cut. I disagreed - feeling that, if the testicle hadn’t dropped, there was little way it affect him getting another dog pregnant. However, the vet convinced me there really was no other way so I agreed.

They performed the surgery that night because, after I left Baxter, the vet had an emergency out in the country so had to postpone Baxter. So Baxter got to spend the day playing with the other dogs there at the vet’s place. I went up the next morning to pick Baxter up and he seemed groggy and kind of tired.

Thursday I left him in my room so he wouldn’t get too excited around the other dogs. He seemed to get a lot of sleep and appeared to be doing fine.

Friday morning I took him for a drive out to the Coralville Reservoir because I knew he hated being cooped up but wasn’t ready for long walks yet. We were there for just a few minutes when I noticed him licking at something very pink on his underbelly. What was there about made me gag.

The stitches on the second incision in his abdomin had come out leaving a hole that I could open up to Baxter’s insides. I freaked. I rushed him - and I do mean rushed as it took me less then a half an hour to get from North Liberty to West Liberty - back to the vet. The vet’s assistant said the vet would not be in for a few hours but agreed the hole should be stitched back up. The assistant tried to comfort me - told me it wasn’t that serious…unless, of course, dirt or something got into the wound before they got it sealed. I was beside myself. Once again I had to leave Baxter overnight with them.

I went this morning to pick him up and I must say, he was very delighted to see me. I brought him home and he is resting comfortably. The vet put staples in his stomach so I wouldn’t have to worry about the stitches giving way again. I’m to closely watch Baxter to make sure I call them right away if he gets a fever or starts acting sick. Of course, I will have to take him back in two weeks to have the staples removed.

My poor darling baby - I hate that he hurts and had to suffer through that.

Saying Goodbye

Being the organized person I am, I decided that only one box of books could be moved - the rest have to be donated to the library.

I have three bookcases so you can imagine the dilemma of trying to decide which books I couldn’t part with. The box - 14×14 - was filled and emptied several times before I finally am satisfied that it holds books I can’t easily replace.

Since I was a wee child, I’ve been a bookworm. I love books - love being around books, love touching books, love reading them too. My first serious job was in a library. When I walked through from office to office or on breaks, I would browse the shelves just running my fingers over the binds. I found comfort there in the stacks. After I left the library for the recreation center, I would volunteer to check in the books a few hours every week just so I could be there looking after them. I hate when people throw or beat up on a book.

Books were my escape from a childhood that was hurtful and hard. I don’t know who I’d be right now if I hadn’t buried myself in books. {sigh} I know I will start a new collection up in Iowa but have decided that I won’t recollect the books I’m giving up now. I’ve already collected them twice and just can’t see spending the money on them a third time.

Amazon has a device out that holds over 200 titles (I imagine it depends on how many words the book is) so I may get one of those and download some books to it. But I suppose really, I should save the trees and not buy hardcopies anymore when a person can so easily read them on the internet now or check them out from the library.

Tidbits of My Day

A woman in a bright little blue Accent decided to cut me off in traffic. I was going along just fine when she swerved into my lane without looking - had I not slammed on my brakes, we would have collided. I honked, after fumbling around for a couple of heartbeats looking for the horn button, and she gave me the finger.

We got stopped at a stoplight the next block up and she rolled down her window to tell me that I had been going too fast and if we had collided it would have been my fault. I politely told her she has to watch and signal before changing lanes. She told me that if we had collided it would have served me right. I leaned out my door, looked at her two children who were not seat belted and reminded her that the law in Florida demands children be seat belted and that a person signals when changing lanes. She leaned forward across her son in the passenger side and was getting ready to argue with me when what did she see hanging from my rearview mirror? My Sheriff’s Id complete with the quite identifiable Sheriff’s star.

Immediately she calmed down, apologized for cutting me off and told her kids to get buckled. Then she asked me if I had radioed ahead to an officer to stop her for her infractions. Like duh, am I in a police car? I told her I wasn’t a deputy but that I worked for 911 and could tell her quite truthfully that we see too many children injured because their parents aren’t paying attention in traffic and the children aren’t buckled. The light turned green so I gave a little wave and drove off - making sure I turned right at the next block so I wouldn’t get stopped at the next light with her. What a ditz.

From there I was in a ruthless mood and seriously contemplated stopping to get all my hair chopped off. My hair often takes the brunt of my irritability. It is naturally curly which means it can be unruly and even frizzy in humidity. But, I decided instead of cutting it, I would get it permed into bigger curls. I reasoned that the little curls were why it was unruly. So I got it done and it looked pretty good actually. However, my hair felt fried and I couldn’t not put conditioner on it - something I was told not to do for 48 hrs. I’m sorry but when it feels like straw, something needs to be done or the ends will split. My hair is still full of larger curls but they aren’t as tight as they were which means they won’t last as long. Guess I’ll be cutting it off short later - maybe before I move to Iowa.

My house is a disaster. I’ve been sorting, packing and getting rid of stuff and just can’t seem to do that without making the house look messy. It is driving me crazy.

The day has flown by and it is after 9 pm. I don’t know where the time has gone.

Um…like three hours later

I closed my eyes earlier and was asleep immediately. I slept all the way through until, at 3 pm, I awoke because I thought I heard someone calling my name. I literally heard someone say “Kathy” and thought someone was at my door or something. That wasn’t the case however so unless Baxter or Simon have mastered the English language, it must have been a remnant of the dream.

The only thing I remember about the dream is that I was walking through a corridor, holding McDonald’s for people at work, and something was following me in the shadows. I was trying to hurry but whatever was back there kept gaining anyway. Probably residue from last night’s escapade.

I promise not to be as careless with my safety from now on. I will even buy a gun if that will keep me alive and healthy. I get so focused on one thing - like Baxter peeing - that I forget to pay attention to my own safety. Poor Baxter - he did get to releave himself but I pulled him very quickly back home and he was not happy with me. I gave him a rub down when we got inside just in case the harness had hurt him from being pulled so hard. Ugh.

Well, I need to go so this will be the last post until Saturday because I work a 12 hr day tomorrow. Be safe and remember, its a jungle out there!

Dialup vs Verizon

I’ve reordered dialup for my home. It will take a few days for them to get the account set up but then I expect to be in full swing Internet wise. I guess I’m a “slowsky” like in the commercial. While I’d love faster service and the ability to listen to “utube”, it does me no good when it keeps locking up anyway.

I was stupid for buying into the hype about Verizon’s dsl service. It is going to be a costly mistake since Verizon will bill me whatever the fee was for ending my contract early.

It is almost 1pm and I need to get some food – I’m starving. I’ve been thinking about work and going to five 8-hr days as soon as I can. I don’t want to have to go in at 10:30 am or stay till 3 am anymore – would rather do straight 3-11pm’s. Then if I need or want to get a second job to help with moving, I can find something in the morning hours. Why can’t I just win the lotto?

Right now I feel like taking a nap. Maybe it is from being hungry or from the nice hot shower I took earlier but I am very sleepy. Haven’t felt right all day but can’t describe what is wrong either. I’m very tired and have a headache. All I can think about is sleep – I think I’m just going to close my eyes for a moment….

Nervous Nellie

As the clock struck 1 am last night, Baxter informed me that he needed to go outside to relieve himself. Wanting to save my carpet from the inevitable golden shower if I refused, I decided it best to comply.

We stayed on our property – in the light – as I had promised my son I would from now on when out late at night. However, as we were winding down our little excursion, a red station wagon passed us very slowly, and then came to a stop in the middle of the street about a quarter of a block in front of me. I immediately knew something was not friendly about the vehicle. It pulled into our parking lot, successfully putting itself between our destination and us.

A black man dressed all in black, emerged from the passenger side of the vehicle. He tried to blend into the shadows as he nonchalantly made his way directly toward us. I knew I was looking at a robbery waiting to happen so I did whatever scared woman does, I took out my cell phone and called…my son in Iowa.

Wayne raked me over the coals for being out that late unarmed and for not calling the police. What, he demanded, could he do if the guy attacked me? He knew my address of course but not the number to the local police department so he’d have to waste time finding it while I could be stabbed to death. He was right of course.

I had considered calling work but didn’t want to over react. The guy might just be out for a walk and the driver didn’t feel like walking so he stayed with the car…

Obviously, in the light of day it sounds stupid, but I was tired and nothing thinking rationally at 1 am. I was more worried about appearing as a nervous Nellie to my coworkers then of being robbed…or worse. Today I chided myself for being so stupid – can’t tell you how many callers, especially women, who do exactly what I did and then the son who lives in New York or Michigan is trying to get us to help his mom before it is too late. The delay is incredible and I can understand why the son gets so upset. We always hang up the phone and say, “Why didn’t the mom just call 911?” – now I understand better why.

However, in my defense, I expected the guy would see me on my cell phone and decide the odds were good I was talking to the police – which is what happened. The guy ran back to the car and it sped away, running the stop sign as it went.

I admit I was foolish to think, in this neighborhood, that I would be safe walking my dog at one in the morning. From now on we will stay in our backyard which is securely fenced when nature beckons to Baxter that late.

Man in the Shadows

Took Baxter out on his third and final walk of the night earlier. He ate a lot so when he started licking my hand, I decided we better go or he’d be having accidents on my carpet.

We started to walk the same route as last night. I was going to take a different route because last night we came across a psycho guy who I wanted to be sure to avoid tonight. The guy looked like an escapee from a mental ward in his hospital garb - but more then his looks it was how he let out a piercing scream - walked a ways and screamed again - that made me question his sanity. I called the police and scooted home as fast as I could.

Baxter, though, had other plans for tonight’s walk - he wanted to go the same route and can be damn stubborn when he wants to be so we started that going that way. As we neared the dark but short alley I noticed a man lurking in the shadows halfway up. We did a quick course change - going through the parking lot and coming out on the street instead.

When I looked back the way we had come, I didn’t see the guy at all. But before I could breath a sigh of relief, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and there he was about 50 ft behind us in the shadows. He was slowly making his way toward us - why, I have no idea.

Poor Baxter wanted to take in some of the doggie odors in the grass along the roadway so I had to drag him back to our side of the street. When I checked again, the guy was gone. I told Baxter we were staying in well lit areas close to home the rest of our walk.

Baxter, no doubt pissed at me, sat down on the sidewalk with his back to me and wouldn’t budge. Pekeningese are well known for their stubbornness and their strength once they plant their feet. I waited as patiently as I could for about five minutes but eventually the crisp wind eroded my good will and I picked him up to carry him inside. He is over by the door now sleeping - still has his back to me and wouldn’t touch his treats when we came in. The little bugger.

Dispatch

Today on my 12 hr shift I finished the book “Dispatch” by Bentley Little. I have read several other books of his that were better, more intriguing and just outside the edge of the realm of possibility leaving the person wondering “what if”. This book was not one of them.

Today’s book was far, very far, from his best work. It was slow and undeniably boring. More then once I was tempted to not finish it but I finally managed to trudge through to the last page. As an indicator of how bad it was - I put it down for two days - something I rarely ever do. Once I start a book I read as late as I need to get it finished the same day. If I put it away, then it failed to hold my interest or engage my imagination.

Sorry folks, this is another one for the “not recommend” heap. It is about a man who likes to write letters - has a gift for writing letters to enhance his own happiness even at the expense of others. On a whim, he could ruin lives and have people killed simply by sharpening his quill and writing a letter.

After awhile he realizes he is an evil person and unable to control the darkness he has let loose within his soul. Even after the death of his friends and his mom - he can’t stop writing letters that are designed to ruin the lives of others. He engineers the death of his father and literally kills someone else but still has to write, write, write.

May I just say again - the book was damn boring.

Blurry Eyed & Bushy Tailed

Blurry eyed I sit here trying to imagine how I’m going to make it through the last four hours - I am exhausted. I brought the book “Ice Moon” by Jan Costin Wagner which I got done in under eight hours. The book is set in Finland and Germany - the author is German and his wife Finnish so guess that is why.

It is the story of a police officer who loses his beloved wife to cancer. At the same time she dies, a man in the same city starts suffocating people. For some reason this makes a kind of mental link between the officer and killer.

The story is alright - I rolled my eyes a few times but nothing too bad. It takes place in winter so he describes icy roads, crispy winds, and snow drifts - it made me look forward to moving back to Iowa.

The author has two other books out at least but I won’t read anymore as this one wasn’t all that memorable. I was at the library getting another book when I ran across this one and got it solely based on the front cover.