I dunno

Must admit I’m a little discouraged today but think a part of it is the book “Iron Lace” which I read last night.   The book was really good – I can’t wait to read the sequel – but it made me look at my life again and that brought me sleeplessness.  People who believe in something so much that they stand on the front lines amaze me.  The only thing I’m that passionate about is my family.  They have a cause though and it drives their lives.  I used to have a cause – abused children – but became overwhelmed because the more you read about it, the more it looks like there is no way to prevent or stop it.   People are so cruel.
If I had to say what my “cause” would be now (other than family, of course), it would be Haiti, animals and children.  See, that is the problem – too many causes which makes me impotent to be any good to any of them.  Plus I am too dimwitted to know how to make a difference in any of them anyway.  Yes, I donate money but that isn’t really being passionate about a cause.  Being passionate requires…well, passion.  Sending money doesn’t quite do it.  One of the doctor’s in my doctor’s office goes to Haiti every month for a week to help with medical problems – now that is someone being passionate about a cause.
I woke up today hating the way things are in my life but also feeling helpless to fix them – I can’t even lose weight, how can I do anything more complicated if I can’t even do that?   I am not depressed – it is that I don’t like feeling so helpless and ineffectual with my life.  Ugh.  This is why I read monster books – I don’t have to reflect on my life after reading them.
Well, I need to figure out something to do to get outside for awhile.  This place is not where I want to be right now so think I’ll go get lunch somewhere.  My son said maybe we could get together before I go to work tonight for coffee or whatever – I hope so because I really need a hug.  🙂

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