I wish…

I wish I could make things easier for my son.  It seems wrong to me that he should have to struggle so.  I know everyone struggles with the mundane every day things but I wish he didn’t.  I want him to be happy – to find the right woman, settle down, have a family and be happy. He needs a different job, different place to live, different a lot of things.  My soul aches when he is upset, hurting or unhappy.

I know it is his life and he has to find his own way – but it was my duty as his mother to set a strong foundation for him and when he is confused, unhappy, and hurting, I am miserable with the feeling that I failed him somehow.  He is a good man – I am very proud of him.  I know he is not perfect – I know he makes bad choices sometimes (don’t we all?) and I know he has faults.  But I also know there is a compassion in him that so many others lack.

He would never intentionally hurt someone’s feelings or make them feel small or stupid.   He  helps those less fortunate and is a friend to some of the people that others shun.  He isn’t above sitting down with a transient to hear their story and buy them something to eat.  He sees possibility in everyone and that is pretty great.  He is loyal to his friends, his job, his family – he would never cheat on his girlfriend or wife nor would he ever abandon his children if he had some.  Yes, he likes to laugh and will tease others but only those who he knows are comfortable being teased and who can dish it back out to him.

I don’t know – he needs, we both need, something good to happen for a change. I’m so tired of just getting by and not getting ahead…you know?


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