Deeply Disturbed

I’ve come to realize that I am not getting my meditation time in the way I should be.  Things seem so hectic for me even though a lot of time is spent doing little.  I have been getting sidetracked with unimportant things that are designed to distract myself from what is important.  Why do I allow this to happen?

I don’t know – I suppose some of it is depression but some of it is frustration.  I don’t know how to fix some of the problems so I’m employing the Pooh style of handling it – not thinking about it in hopes that the solution will present itself at the right time.  In the Tao of Pooh there are many notations about people trying to force answers when if they would be still and not worry, the answers would present themselves.

It sounds good and I do try hard at it but sometimes – ok, a lot of the time – I can’t stop worrying.  Worrying makes me frustrated and despondent so that makes me want to withdrawal from the things in life that irritate or hurt me.

However, I am determined to change the way I’m going at the moment.  I’m not going to move forward if my head is buried in the sand…am I? I do want to move forward – I’m just wishing the path was more visible because it often is obscured by fog, trees, rocks, or whatever.  But I have promised myself that I will try harder.

I’m not going into the areas that I need work on – I know what they are and most of them are private.

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