Sometimes I swear people keep at me until I can’t take it anymore – I don’t know why. I try to be happy, fun and make people laugh – yet some seem to take offense at that. They aren’t happy unless I’m beaten down and crying. WHY? I don’t get it.
Why can’t I have a happy-go-lucky attitude? Why can’t I say “hi” and it really not mean anything more than a greeting? Why can’t I smile and joke without some thinking I’m being sarcastic and mean to them? I would never intentionally be mean to anyone – not anyone! I don’t have a mean bone in my body unless it is someone physically hurting my son or myself – then I can be a roaring grizzly bear.
When I am faced with this kind of stuff, it makes me want to crawl inside myself and not speak to anyone. Then people complain that I don’t seem “happy”. I can’t take this shit. I literally can’t.
What kind of world do we live in when someone saying “hi” and smiling – maybe joking a little – is a bad thing? I don’t tell improper jokes – I don’t bash any groups – I don’t put people down. It isn’t that I’m such a good person – I just don’t care about skin color, sexual orientation, religion, or any of that other stuff. People are people – as long as they aren’t mean, hateful, or hurtful to myself or my family/friends, they can pretty much do or be whatever they want. I’m talking about ordinary people – not the ones who make the news.
My life is full of enough drama and I am hard enough on myself that I don’t need others trying to pull me down. I am not a bad person. I don’t deserve to be sitting here crying because I smiled and said “hi” to someone and they didn’t know how to “take it”. Damn straight I won’t be saying “hi” to them again anytime soon.
I know it is stupid to be this upset over something so small but it hit me at a bad time. I haven’t been feeling all that rosy lately mood wise and this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Guess they won this round – they succeeded in bringing me further down. That’s ok, guess we all have to lose it sometimes – it will not define me. I will pull myself up off the floor and go on trying to keep the twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face.