So today…

Slept later then I had planned to but guess I needed it.  Have to say, in my dream I was hiking in the mountains of Colorado when I twisted my left knee.  When I woke up, my left knee hurt so bad I could barely flex it but after several minutes the pain was gone as if it had never been there at all.  My question – did I hurt my knee in my sleep and transfer the pain to the dream or did I dream the pain and transfer it to real life? Hmmm…

In my dream I wanted to move to Colorado but I had to find this magical flower before I could so I was out scouring the land looking for it.  I was a trifle disappointed that the dream didn’t have any bears or other wildlife but oh well.  I did find the flower – an orange daisy looking thing – so was happily packing back in Iowa to move when I woke up.  Laid there wondering what the magical flower represented – fame, fortune, or simply convincing my magical son to agree to move?  I’m afraid I am finding it hard to put Colorado out of my mind.

Earlier I was thinking about life and Colorado.  I had the opportunity to move there back when I was in my twenties but I didn’t.  The biggest reason was my son – I wanted him close to his grandmothers who adored him because without a father, he needed all the love he could get.  Though I don’t like wasting time wondering “what if” I let myself indulge just a wee bit and wondered what would my life be like if I had moved.  Not on what would have happened if the relationship I was in would have worked out but what if my son and I had moved there on our own? Then I realized I could be doing the same thing only on a couch in CO.  I could be sitting there wondering what my life would have been like if I stayed in Iowa.  The “life” we mourn or wonder about would not have been as wonderful or glamorous as we imagine it.  Our imagination doesn’t flourish in the mundane details about every day life but rather glosses the scenario over with only good and happy things…that is why it is our “imagination”.

So instead of thinking about how my life would have been, I’ve been playing at making plans to move there now.  What would it take? Would my son and his girlfriend go? Which part of Colorado would I live in? I preferred Colorado Springs but there are way more job opportunities in Denver.

The one question I don’t have to ask myself is how often would I visit that road up in the Rockies – the answer is never or as little as humanly possible.  Although I was also thinking maybe I should drive it several times one right after another until it no longer intimidates me.  I know the power it has over me now is largely based on not knowing it intimately.  If it were something I drove so much I knew it like the back of my hand, it would cease to scare me.

I was thinking that I would rent the largest u-haul so we could get all my stuff as well as my son’s in one truck rather than make several trips.  I might have to hire someone to drive the one truck but my brother-in-law is a semi-driver so he could probably do it.  Of course we would have to have houses already bought and ready to move into so we wouldn’t have that to worry about when we got there.  Sigh.

Well, I need to run to the store for the ingredients for mac and cheese.  My niece made it the other day and I’ve been craving it since she talked about it.  I love homemade mac and cheese.  I add peas and sometimes meat to mine to make it a meal in one dish – it is delicious.  Was thinking I’d wait until the rush hour run on the store was over but the longer I wait the longer I have to wait to eat.  I drank chicken broth around 4 am this morning but that is all I have had all day so I’m rather hungry.



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